Lagenda Budak Tua

I thought today was any other day. I go to class, I come back, I rest, I study & then I sleep. Turn out today was the day. Some part of me knew that today was bound to happen. It took longer than I expected so my optimism got the best of me. Actually, I'm sure stuff like this happens countless times before, just that I never found out. So it wasn't that bad. I thought I was prepared for it, guess I'm just full of myself.

Lagenda Budak Tua. Its kinda catchy actually. The Legend of the Old Kid. Its like an 80's kung-fu movie. Which is kinda funny cz I was born in the 80's. lol. That's right. I was born in the 80's. I WAS BORN IN THE 80'S! And it wasn't such a bad time, Mahathir was Prime Minister, they had McGuyver & the A-Team on tv & McDs was still our no. 1 choice of fast food. It was kinda cool.

So I'm alot older than the other kids here. I knew that even before I went for the interview. Back then I said, "I understand it's going to be an uphill because of my age, but I am prepared". Wow. lol. At that time, I was all fired up, daring to dream. My motto then, even though I never said it out loud, was,

"It doesn't matter how far, or how long you go, as long as you get there, & be happy along the way", or something like that.

But now that Im here. Things aren't quite as I expected. I thought I would be the best student here, have the lone ranger act thats all cool & study everyday and be single all the way and bag me a nurse during housemenship. Turn out to be the exact opposite. Im definitely NOT one of the best students here (ayat2 persediaan utk jatuh table), I end up being one of the Malaysian Students Association rep, have cool close friends who I care for a lot. And I hooked up with a sweet beautiful girl. Im not complaining, definitely, grateful even. but with things like that going on for me, people are tend to talk, especially when it's me, 'budak tua'.

Just now my girl called me & asked me to see something written on the table, so I walked with her & wanted to take a look. When I tried, she put her hand over to cover it. I didnt realize why at first, & what she did just made me more curious. So I asked her to remove her hand.. & there it was. In plaid pencil.

"LAGENDA BUDAK TUA. HAHA"

Oh. Then she took my eraser & started erasing. But.. too late. Damage done. To me at least. But Im glad she did though, I mean, a grafitti on the dissection desk? Somayaji would kill us all if he ever finds out. I was a little surprised, but quite calm abt it at the same time. It was like, "Im old & people are mocking me abt it", then a few seconds later, "Eh wait, I know this was going to happen, & Im sure its been happening all the time"

The thing is, theres 2 kinds of people. Some are so supportive and caring that they treat me even nicer than before, Category A. But for some, Category B it's TOTALLY hilarious. Theyre like, "Hahaha, he's so old I bet he already has 3 kids". Thats expected of the human race however, so I'm not here to judge. Just that you wont know which person comes under which category. Some you know from day one. Nice ones who you know care for you and knows how to respect others, theyre category A. & the ones who are insecure, busy bodies or cant stand people with secrets, these people are definitely category B. Most people fall under category B, which is normal. But thats easier for me actually, I know who are my friends and who are not.

Hey, life's isnt that simple. I had a good thing going actually. A not-so-bad degree, a job with an opportunity for masters, friends who love me, students who respect me & maybe even a relationship. Life was fun & exciting for the 1st time. But, I keep telling myself I wasn't happy then, & that THIS is what I wanted, when actually, I was. So I dropped everything and came here. Sometimes I wonder whether that was the right decision or otherwise.. After a few moments, I'll recollect myself & then I know, I did the right thing. Quoting a very wise student of mine, Priscilla Balakrishnan.

"Nak buat camne, mengejar cita2, tak salah kan? Dont care what other people say"

Words to live by, nicely said. I would have done the same thing all over again & I dont regret being here. So here I am. Mengejar cita2. People have dreams. Some are lucky enough to do it the shortest way possible, comfortably & safely. Some have to take the long way, struggle along & risk so many things. But doesnt that make you better in the end? Maybe not. But, I do know this. Life is unfair. So the only thing you can do is, do the best with what you have. & thats what Im doing now. Can I say the same for you?

& since I'm blogging, I might as well say what I think out loud. 'I know you're young & I don't have anything against that. I was young once too. Its the prime of your life. But youth or old age doesn't measure success. & with an attitude like that, not respecting elders and insulting others for the most trivial reasons, how are you going to learn from them? & most of the people in this profession are DEFINITELY older than you kid. Food for thought.