25/10/11

This is the date.

It may not make any sense now.

But it will.

I hope it won't though.

It depends on whether,

we managed to pull through,

or we didn't.

Either way,

I still care for you.

I really do.

Goodbye.

I'm Not A Freeloader, I'm Just Poor

From the online dictionary, freeloader means;

A person who habitually depends on the charity of others for food, shelter, etc.

& poor means;

Having little or no wealth and few or no possessions

I'm guilty of the latter but not the former. Or at least, I try to be. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I WANT to be poor, but that was the hand that was dealt to me. It's unfair to those who are really poor for me to admit to be one, but if anyone were in my shoes, they would feel the same way, I assure you. I try my level best not to be a freeloader as my parents never raised me to be one.

But. Sometimes I slip and may seek some charity from others. Never intentionally, just a moment of weakness. My story is a long one, but I won't bore you with the details. I'm 25 this year, doing 2nd year MBBS in Manipal, India. I only managed to come here after my parents took 3 consecutive loans worth 30k, (ones that my parents need to take 10 altogether, to reach a sum of 300k, the tuition fees at MMMC). These alone were shocking enough, but then they also have to support my living expenses, and those too don't cost small change.

My parents banks in some money beginning of every month, but these seldom last me to the end of it. Not because I recklessly spend it, believe me I don't, it's just that I have just enough to get by that I seldom can indulge myself with things that cost money. I study hard over here, more than I ever did my whole life, and sometimes I need some amount of release. & these can occur in the smallest of things.

Like seaweed. Or soft cookies. Maybe some vegetable sauce. Things I can never afford without sacrificing the money I need for the rest of the month. So sometimes my body moves faster than my mind & I consume these things without permission, or with permission, but slightly more than what i'm entitled to. I sincerely apologize for that.

But don't worry. You don't have to hide your food in your rooms. I comprehend my place in the world, and I won't take anymore of your food, or anything else for that matter.

I solemnly swear, to study so hard, so damn hard, & one day, be the best doctor that I can be. & during that day i will repay my parent's debt & make them happy in any way possible. & for myself, I'll eat seaweed & soft cookies to my heart's content.

Honey Baked Chicken Drumsticks

A lemon and honey mixture glazes these delicious baked chicken legs. This is a quick meal to fix, and it's easy on the budget. Serve this chicken with rice, noodles, or potatoes.

Ingredients:

2 pounds chicken drumsticks

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons olive oil or Canola oil

1/2 cup flour

1 1/2 teaspoons Creole seasoning or a seasoned salt blend

1/3 cup honey

1/4 cup brown sugar

4 tablespoons lemon juice

2 teaspoons soy sauce

Preparation:

Wash chicken and pat dry. Toss in a food storage bag with the flour and Creole seasoning.

Melt butter with olive oil; pour into an 11x7-inch baking dish. Heat oven to 350°.

Arrange chicken in the baking dish, turning to coat with the butter mixture. Bake for 30 minutes.

In a saucepan, heat honey with brown sugar, lemon juice, and soy sauce, stirring to blend.

Pour the honey mixture over the chicken pieces and return to the oven. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes longer, turning the chicken pieces every 10 to 15 minutes.

Serves 4.

A List of My Most Favorite People

1. Letchumi

2. Deidre

3. Navin

4. Dayah

5. Kasturi

Sometimes it's only natural to like some people. Sometimes you need a little push. :D

Tamatlah Zaman Anatomy

Kat India specimen belambak, macam meat market.

Dinie sempat lagi posing gambar.

Apepun, specimen ni sume untuk kita belajar, thats why aku respect sume specimen2 ni. Terima kasih cadaver.

Ischaemic heart disease

Ischaemic or ischemic heart disease (IHD), or myocardial ischaemia, is a disease characterized by ischaemia to the heart muscle, usually due to coronary artery disease. Its risk increases with age, smoking,hypercholesterolaemia, diabetes, and hypertension (high blood pressure), and is more common in men and those who have close relatives with ischaemic heart disease.

Symptoms of stable ischaemic heart disease include angina and decreased exercise tolerance. Unstable IHD presents itself as chest pain or other symptoms at rest, or rapidly worsening angina. Diagnosis of IHD is with anelectrocardiogram, blood tests (cardiac markers), cardiac stress testing or a coronary angiogram. Depending on the symptoms and risk, treatment may be with medication, percutaneous coronary intervention (angioplasty) or coronary artery bypass surgery (CABG).

It is the most common cause of death in most Western countries, and a major cause of hospital admissions. There is limited evidence for population screening, but prevention (with a healthy diet and sometimes medication for diabetes, cholesterol and high blood pressure) is used both to prevent IHD and to decrease the risk of complications.

The medical history distinguishes between various alternative causes for chest pain (such as dyspepsia, musculoskeletal pain, pulmonary embolism). As part of an assessment of the three main presentations of IHD, risk factors are addressed. These are the main causes of atherosclerosis (the disease process underlying IHD): age, male sex, hyperlipidaemia, smoking, hypertension (high blood pressure), diabetes, and the family history.

The disease process underlying most ischaemic heart disease is atherosclerosis of the coronary arteries. The arteries become "furred up" by fat-rich deposits in the vessel wall (plaques).

Stable angina is due to inability to supply the myocardium with sufficient blood in situations of increased demand for oxygen, such as exertion.

Unstable angina, STEMI and NSTEMI are attributed to "plaque rupture", where one of the plaques gets weakened, develops a tear, and forms an adherent blood clot that either obstructs blood flow or floats further down the blood vessel, causing obstruction there.

I should have worked. Why? Because of number 2, 3 & 9.

4.0 Syarat-Syarat Dan Kriteria Permohonan Pinjaman JPA

4.1 Syarat-Syarat Umum

1) Warganegara Malaysia;

2) Berumur di bawah 25 tahun pada 1 Januari pada tahun semasa permohonan

dibuat;

3) Belum mempunyai Ijazah Pertama;

4) Ibu/ bapa/ adik-beradik/ pelajar bukan merupakan peminjam/ penjamin tegar

kepada mana-mana skim pinjaman/ biasiswa kerajaan;

5) Ibu/ bapa/ adik-beradik/ pelajar tidak mempunyai tunggakan bayaran balik

pinjaman dan tidak disenarai hitamkan dalam mana-mana skim pinjaman

kerajaan;

6) Ibu/ bapa/ adik-beradik/ pelajar tidak pernah melanggar mana-mana kontrak

biasiswa kerajaan;

7) Hanya seorang daripada ahli keluarga sahaja yang layak mendapat pinjaman

pada satu-satu masa. Permohonan ahli keluarga yang lain hanya akan

dipertimbangkan selepas peminjam sebelumnya telah membuat bayaran balik

pinjaman sekurang-kurangnya 6 bulan; dan

9) Bagi program berkembar, pinjaman hanya diberikan untuk tempoh pengajian di luar negara sahaja.

1 out of 3

University results came out today.

I only scored 1 distinction. The old me would have been disappointed. But I did my best, and 1 out of 3 isn't that bad right?

Sorry Jaam. I'm not the best of the best.

what to do when your gf..

1. Is smarter than you

If you don't care or if it turns you on, then it's not a problem. But if you're like any other guy, then you should work harder & be smarter than her. It's scientifically proven that men is smarter than women. Work harder, pay more attention & think critically. Don't let her know you're trying. Safest way around this never get a smarter gf than you.

2. Is wealthier than you

1st ever rule. Don't ever borrow money from her, & don't ever let her pay anything for you. Go dutch on everything. No matter how nice she may be, intentionally or unintentionally, she'll bring up the fact that you're taking money from her. Always remember to bring extra cash in your wallet to avoid borrowing money from her in any situation.

3. Is more religious than you

Once in a while, quote a fatwa or something. Act smart. Don't do anything that makes u fall under the sinful category. Be a good person, for you & for her.

4. Knows more about a particular matter than you

Unless it's a girl's topic like shoes or shopping, avoid the topic. It's no fun when she goes on & on about something & you don't understand what she's saying & don't have anything to say. Later you go back & read up on your own. Google it, ask your guy friends or do some book research. There's no harm in learning new stuff, you wont know when it'll come in handy.

5. Is trying to console you after being a bitch

Don't give in so easily. She wont, why should you. If you're not hurting then immediately stop, no use prolonging the fight, don't stoop to their level. But if you are hurting still, even if she cries buckets full of tears, take all the time you need. But don't ignore her, just give her the one word reply treatment. If she loves you, she'll be patient enough to wait it out, if she doesn't then you can reconsider your relationship.

6. Gf's family doesn't like you

She'll be all supportive and tell you that her family will like you eventually. This may be true. But even when that happens, you will still have the feeling that their still pretending to like you, no matter how long your relationship goes. Don't try to hard for her family, that's like pretending someone you're not, if they can't accept who you are, so be it.

7. Is not approved by your parents

If you love your family, break up. If you don't, then you can still be with her. But being with someone against your parent's blessings will never work, & somehow, you wont be happy. Always do your best to please your parents, never otherwise.

8. Want's you to sacrifice your future for her convenience

If this happened more than once then it is most recommended to break up. Even if you explain it to her, the fact that she initially puts her convenience over something as important as your future shows that she's not the one for you. Yes she may love you, but true love requires sacrifice, not just form your part.

9. Is friends with the bane of your existence

Tell her truthfully that you hate that person & the reason. If she still wants to be friends with the person, let her. It's her freedom to be friends with whoever she wants, as do you. But make it clear to her that you don't want anything to do with that person & don't want the 3 of you to meet under any circumstances. Remind her that you hate the person & whenever you hear shit about the person, make sure you tell her.

10. Is the jealous type

If you love her, then stop flirting around. That should be enough if she's an understanding person. But unfortunately this is never so. She'll demand you not to see new people, people she sees as threats & people that she thinks you might like. This however is unreasonable & reasonable at the same time, depending on the situation. So unless it is important, try your best to avoid these people. Don't go and start a conversation or anything like that. & if she's a terribly jealous type, only smile form a distance & don't let her see you do it.

Family Evolution

I love my family. I have my dad, my mum & 5 younger siblings. Theyre not perfect, but thats what makes them MY family. My family went through a few phases of change throughout the years. Some for better, some for worse. During the course of my childhood, I watched as my family grew from only me to all 6 of us. It wasnt luxurious or extravagant but it was just as awesome. I left the house to study when I was 19 & went to Shah Alam.

During this time, my family when through a series of changes so fast, that I couldnt change with them. Ive been myself when I was 19, a little different here and there, but the 19 year old adam is still here. But my family, sigh.. They were.. Different.

Doing things that we dont usually do.

Going places we dont usually go.

Things that wasnt akward before became akward.

Things that would have been awkward before, became normal.

Do's and dont's shifted places.

Secrets became public, and things that we usually share, we dont.

And the list goes on. I know that change is inevitable, but I wished that I could change with them. But I cant. When I left the house, I remained who I was. And I made a subconscious oath to myself not to compromise who I am. After a few more years outside of the house, I came to accept the changes in my family, because even with so much of drastic changes, I can still see the family I knew when I was 19.

Currently, I'm thousands of miles away from home. I think about my family all the time, with the vague memories of my family the last time I saw them and the vivid memory of my family when I was young. Probably because the family we grew up with is always more pure and innocent. Once we grow up, we learn that things arent just rainbows and butterflies.

With calls I keep in touch with my parent, with facebook, I keep in touch with my siblings. Today, I saw photos of my mum, oldest sister, and youngest brother having lunch. The people in the photos looked just like how my childhood family would have looked, but they werent those people. They were my new family. I can see clearly the differences.

1. my family doesnt own a digital camera, my parents were so against it

2. we, the kids, dont go facebook all the time, were limited to the internet on weekends

3. we never eat out, except to fastfood joints 8 times a year or when we travel

4. we would always go as a family, and pack for those who couldnt come

5. mum was so against outside food that we werent allowed to have any

All this seemed so ancient now, now my sis posts pictures of just the 3 of them eating outside food, and its normal. Im out of words to explain how this feels. Sigh.. I only hope that even though Im the same like I was before, they would still love me. Theyre the only family I have.

Hated Anat Topics Award (HATA):

I hate them for many reasons. Some because it was an SDL topic, some because it wasn't presented well the first time I heard about it, some I just hate because I can't understand anything even after hours of inquiring and studying. & the awards goes to:

1. Hippocampus & fornix - If fornix is just a freakin layer then why do they label the whole tube as fornix??

2. Extra ocular muscles - PBL topic. Superior & inferior oblique winds around 1/2 the world b4 inserting anywhere.

3. Limbic system - Dunno what it is actually, or even what's its for. Where does olfaction fit anywhere in emotions?

4. Cerebellum - Anat's Archicerebellum, Neocerebellum & Paleocerebellum VERSUS Physio's Spinocerebellum, Vestibulocerebellum & Cerebrocerebellum. Same, but different. Why cant they just choose different names?

5. Thyroid arteries - They run with laryngeal nerves, which runs with laryngeal nerves in the pharynx. So they actually take turns? Wow. Hot stuff.

6. Spinal cord tracts - Never the same diagram in any 2 books. Everyone has their own different story. Aren't people's spinal cord the same?

7. 4th ventricle - Velum? Ependyma? Tela choroidea? Pudencle? And half of it I never seen before.

8. Cerebrum - Sulci & Gyri. Guess im no neurosurgeon. Axial sulcus vs Operculated sulcus?

9. Lateral Ventricle - If only the 1st time I heard it, the person would AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT IT IS 1ST.

10. Hypothalamus - So many nuclei divided by fornix?

11. Blood supply of brain - They seriously expect us to know the cortical course of it? I seriously think area of distribution is more important.

12. Cranial nerves - Wow, the diagram drawn was so GIGANTIC that a person standing 60meters away could read it. NOT. 60cm then yes. Nicely done. At least TALK SLOWER.

UNIS DAH DEKAT!!

enough said.

Where the Lost Things Go

Naziera told me of a story, about a girl who always loses her things. And one day she goes to the place 'where all the lost things go' & find that all her things are there.

Ive lost so many things within the past one year. Which is weird, cz i seldom lose things in the past. I do lose a few things once in awhile, but now it's happening more frequently. The saddest part is, the things missing are always things of great sentimental value.

Some of the important things were,

1. My Levis Jeans. 2000 rps, about rm200. The most expensive apparel I have ever bought, owned, and wore. It wasnt just the most expensive, it also had great sentimental value. I bought the jeans with Naziera in Levis, on the way to udpi. The particular design was promoted by Abishek Bachan if Im not mistaken. What a waste. Lost since September 2010.

2. My Nike badminton shoes. It was my favourite pair of shoes. It was green and grey, with white lace. I loved it so much. I think it went lost during the hectic shift from Malaysia to India. I think the saddest thing is that, eventhough I wore it all the time, I never played badminton wearing it. Lost since March 2010.

3. My Polo wrist watch. Greatest sentimental item I had. It was a gift from dad during my internship days. Dad always bought my watches & shoes. Thats like our thing. Shoes come and go, but watches stay longer. I lost it when I was in Perdana. Did someone steal it? I doubt it's worth that much, but it meant alot to me. Lost since December 09.

4. My Blue & Pink Converse shoes. I had a phase where I wore only Converse shoes. & I had 3 pairs of them. A Blue, Red & Pink one. In the end, Im left with the Red one. Good thing thats my favourite one. Both shoes, lost around the same time, since September 09.

5. My Diesel army pants. They werent exactly army pants, but they are comfortable. & they had tremendous amount of memories on them. But, my sweetheart knows how much I loved the pants that she bought me a new army pants from India! Yay! I never found out what happened to it. Lost since September 2010.

6. My Yellow Lego pendrive. At that time, a 1G pendrive was rm35, & Iv asked Nadiah's sister to buy me one. It was nice. I switched the cover with Iza, so it has a purple cover. It was small & cute. I always thought that the pendrive was in my bag. When I checked, it wasnt. Lost since 2008.

7. My Green Kingston pendrive. After I lost the Lego pendrive. I replaced it with a 2G Kingston that I bought form Low Yatt. At that time, a 2G pendrive as rm22. I had to go through alot of hurt & trouble to get it. & this is where I met the rudest shopkeeper ever in my life. Who? A malay girl wearing a tudung. After that, the view that girls with tudung doesnt necessarily means a good girl was cemented in my mind. I lost the pendrive when I left it at Mahe printing pc. It had Up inside of it, thats why someone took it I think. Sigh.. Lost since July 2010.

Since Im talking about lost things, some other things came to mind. Not recently, but things that Ive lost over the years.

1. My 2nd pair of glasses. I wore them to the river, back in my kampung. Dad told me once that I can hang my specs on my shirt while taking wudhu. I didnt realize this only applies when youre facing foward, so when I faced down, my specs fell & it was straight away swept by the current. It took a few days for me to get a new one, and it was the longest time I didnt wear any specs. Lost since 1997.

2. My Blastoise and Poliwrath. Both from base set 2 edition. I borrowed them to Harris, with faith in him to take good care of my cards. Jagdeep, who came to watch, stole them. Eventhough that was probably what happened, I can never prove that he stole it, & I never saw my cards again. I will forever despise him for it. Lost since 2001.

3. When I was small, I always lose stationary. Its normal being a kid and all. But once, my dad just bought a new box of coloured pencils. Take note that those were my most favourite sationary back then, still is actually. Nwy, the day after my dad gave me, I put it in my pocket, & ran from the Music room to my classroom. It dropped on the way. I retraced my steps so many times, I guess someone took it. Lost since 1996.

Sigh.. After seeing the list, I think I have to rephrase when I said I seldom lose things. I guess I do lose things often. Well, better to lose things than losing your mind. LOL.