2010

There's no better time to reminiscence the events of the past whole year than on new year's eve.

So here it is. Some memorable events of 2010.

1. Had a job, quit, drop everything & went mengejar cita-cita.

2. Took my first flight & came to Manipal, India.

3. Met new people, nice ones & not so nice ones.

4. Dissected a real human being.

5. Survived the first out of many exams.

6. Lost my Nike Shoes & broke my mp3 player.

7. Found my soulmate, Naziera Kuzaimah.

8. My first Aidilfitri away from home.

9. Became a prosector.

10. Had my first root canal.

11. Celebrated 4th November overseas.

12. My first New Year outside of Malaysia.

BSNL: Bull Shit No Line

The first time I got here I was excited to get my connection cause it’s the one thing that relates me home. Being far and all, kinda makes it essential. At that time there were 2 choices. Either I take the campus’s ION, or a private company, BSNL. After much consideration, I took BSNL, cause my ION signal strength wasn’t strong. After a few days of going back and forth to BSNL and paying quite a large sum of money I finally get my connection.

The first time I tried, I couldn’t get my laptop to detect the modem’s signal. I tried so many times, to no avail. As a desperate attempt, I tried to use the LAN cable given together with the modem. By sheer luck, it worked & I got my connection. This is actually wasting money because I could have went with the normal modem & not the wireless one. But I was contented enough & just stuck with the cable.

I heard a few bad comments on facebook on how bad BSNL is. My batchmates had statuses all about the same thing. Something I remember was BSNL=Bull Shit No Line. I didn’t thought much of it cause I did get connected after all. Not exactly what I payed for, but I guess that’s just how things work in India.

Things were okay at first, there were times when there was no connection, but I guess that’s just how it is in India, and it was never for too long. Even after I came back here after the 1 month break, it was still quite okay. But then, after a few weeks, the problems began to escalate. My laptop was disconnected more than it was connected. For it to get connected, I had to restart the laptop a couple of times. And each time, it was a gamble. Sometimes I would finally get connected, sometimes never. This persisted for a few months, but I was patient. I didn’t need the internet that badly anyways.

Still, we all have our limits. Mine was last month. For the whole of October, and November, I didn’t have connection. At one point of time I wanted to stop the service, because I know I’ll be paying for nothing if I didn’t stop. But I was too busy. Still, my need for internet was filled because I would stop at Jon’s room to use his net. It’s a good thing that he’s such a good guy. I guess it was partly my fault for never complaining to BSNL, but hey, I’m a medical student, I don’t have time. Seriously.

In the end, I finally found some time to go to BSNL. I brought the whole thing, planning to stop the service. But when I got there, I thought of giving BSNL a second chance. I told the guy at technical service that I don’t have connection for the last 1 month, and I heard him say. ‘That’s your problem.’ I mean dude, know that I still have to pay, I didn’t say anything about not paying. I’m not that stupid and eventhough I’m not a scholar, I’m not that poor. But since he mentioned it under his voice, I chose to ignore it. He then asked me to bring my laptop which I didn’t at that particular time, so I went back the next day with the laptop too. Good thing it was a different guy. Much more helpful. So I thought. He said ‘Any problem, you call this number’. I went back home & set everything up. Nope. No line. I called, he said to wait a few minutes. Huh? My grandmother could give better advice. And obviously it didn’t work.

I couldn’t find another time to go to BSNL until after I received the bill for the month I didn’t have connection. It was kinda stupid, and I did the exact same thing I swore to myself I won’t do. I swore never to have to pay for connection that I never use. Cause my mum did the same thing, just so that we don’t buang mase main internet. Sigh.. It’s true what they say. The more you try not to be like your parents, the more you become them. Neway, I went to BSNL for the last time, wanting to ask how to stop the connection. The lady said it’s possible, I just have to fill the form. I wanted to, but dunno why i just told her I cant connect to the net & she obviously directed me to technical support.

I was at the place again, but a different person was there. I told him my problem as usual, but this time i simply said no connection for 1 week because he couldn’t care less how long it was. He asked me for my number and said he’ll call and check it out the next day. I was skeptical, but still kinda hopeful. He said he’ll come at 4pm, so after dissection, I straight away came home, and not spending any relax time outside. I waited and waited and he never came. But it was expected.

I was about to give up when suddenly I got internet the next morning. Wow. I was on the net for a few hours before I went to the library to study. The guy called when I was at the library, but since I got back my connection, I don’t see any reason to trouble him to come to my hostel, so I told him ‘Internet working boss, it’s okay, thank very much’. Oh how I regret those words. Because when I came back, no more line. Sigh.. It was worse than not having connection, having it and losing it again. And passing a chance of having the technician come and check out my landline.

By this time, I’m already sick of BSNL and decided just to live on Jon’s internet while still paying for mine. I know that sounds way stupid. But I do get connection once every few days or so. Guess it’s like I’m paying for a very expensive and unreliable internet connection. Truly, BSNL = Bull Shit No Line.

Ron & Hermoine

No one ever said finding for love is an easy task.

Sometimes you get hurt & sometimes you hurt people.

But the thing about love is, like life.

Its unfair.

Some people find the one who is perfect for them.

Some, not so much of a perfect fit, but they stay happy.

Others are less fortunate, either ended up with the wrong person,

or never finding it at all.

Still, why do people try so hard anyways?

Well, its because, every drop of tear & every crack of a broken heart

is worth it.

Love, is a risk worth taking.

Like any risk, you have to put something on the line.

In this case, its your own heart.

The heart is a fragile little thing, and shatters easily.

But like most sayings go, time is the best healer of the heart.

Once youre hurt, get off the horse for awhile, and when you feel better,

you get back into the game.

Love can be found in a million of ways.

Some by luck. Some by effort. & some by fate.

It can be in a form of a friend,

it can come as a form of affection,

it can even come as a form of desperation.

On the subject, some people are desperate for love.

Its understandable as humans need the love and affection of another to survive.

And to me, one's quest for love is an admirable one.

However lame or terrible it may be, once a person starts on such a quest,

he or she is a noble enough person to try.

The responsibility of others to this quest is to aid them.

Doesnt necessarily saying yes is the answer, rather,

a no could make significant changes in the person, making him or her a better person.

Unfortunately, during this period of time, some dwell on the answer of yes and no.

Fluctuating between a possible future together or none what so ever.

This is truely a difficult time a person

It is actually the most grousome part of the story.

Here, the person have to decide on his of herself what is best for them.

On the other hand,

Some people refuse love, with reasons of having responsibilities, commitments

or some other valid reason,

arent actually rejecting love, just to scared to put their hearts on the line.

Saying no to love or the chance of love is like rejecting part of your own soul.

A part that is yours, lost since the beginning, & now youre looking for it.

As mentioned earlier, love is a risk worth taking,

and if ever love tries to find you, you should answer.

It may not be a perfect fit at first glance, but thats much better than waiting for one.

Or finally thinking youve found the fit after so long,

only to find out that it isnt.

However it may be, love is worth to be tried. Even it its not the one,

the experience you gain from the attempt, will take you one step closer

to finding the one.

Actually this post is a result something that I found out today,

which reminded me of how it was like for me.

I had my share of the quest for love. It may still be ongoing.

But what I saw today was something that I could understand.

Ron, I know youre trying to find love. Its admirable that you try so hard.

But at the same time love needs effort, it also needs patience.

Give her some space, but still be caring.

You know that to some, you dont deserve hermoine, but thats now,

in the future it could be the other way around.

So hang in there!

PS: please at least TRY to be cool. I know its hard, but just try.

Hermoine, I know youre saying youre not interested.

But deep down, I know that youre just scared, & maybe a part of you

thinks that you deserve better.

Thats just not how love operates. Love surpasses race, stature, looks,

background & everythingelse.

Its much greater than you. At least give him a chance, he could prove

to be better than he presents himself.

PS: please dont think that youre too smart, even with regards to love,

sorcery is nothing like love.

MISSING

mas & me

me & jaam

adam, ada, me, sandra, shangeetha & vanessa

maksu shahidah & me

I found out that I respond to missing home kinda differently.

I find comfort in faces of those who are similar to those I know back home.

They can be my relative, a close friend, or just an acquaintance.

I may not be close to real them, but I tend to be very fond of their dopplegangers.

Is that freaky? Jaam would say, 'Ko kan pelik'. Haha, Guess that's true.

I have people here saying the same thing. Titi, 'Adam, kau ni pelik lah'. Haha.

I like the girl who takes care of the bag place at the library.

I would hope that she would be there when I got to the library.

And when she is there, we would exchange smiles.

I like her,

Cause she looks like Shangeetha.

I sayang Shangeetha lots & I think that were both great.

Both of us manage to survive a very complicated & hurtful part of friendship.

She's so much beautiful than she thinks. She's sweet, loves her family, and knows her responsibilities. She has a great smile, and a laugh like the sunshine.

Out of all the dopplegangers, I miss her the most.

I like a batch 23 senior cause he looks like Jaam.

I was going through facebook, and I saw his profile.

I was like, he seems like a nice guy, Ive seen him around.

I want to add him.

Then I was like, WHAT? I don't even know the guy.

Just because he looks like Jaam.

I knew Jaam as a colleague, but now he's one of my bestest friends.

He's the only Malay friend that I'm actually close with.

Finally my parents can give a sigh of relief. Haha.

Jaam is intelligent, determined and is a person of principle.

Sometimes, he's my inspiration.

But he's cursed. The poison of magic the gathering runs through his veins.

And now I'm cursed too. Haha.

Well, as long as were cursed together, I'm okay with it.

In the future, we'll just be 2 old guys with phDs playing cards.

That's not weird right?

I like Izza cause she looks like my aunt Shahidah.

Izza is my MSA boss. A hard core boss too. Haha. Hope she doesn't see this.

She's fair, has big eyes, athletic and participates in club activities.

And tough. Just like my Maksu Shahidah.

My aunt is 7 years older than me, she was in std1 when I was borned.

She's happily married with 3 kids going on 4.

People may feel she's kinda endearing at times,

but I feel that she's just perfect the way she is.

She's independent, determined and doesn't care what other people say,

An attribute that I respect and wish that I too can be like her.

She accomplished so much more when she was my age.

Now I can only study hard and make her proud.

I like a batch 27 junior cause she looks like Mas.

I don't know her name, but she's very pretty.

I think her boyfriend is a Radhi OAG wannabe, but Im not here to judge.

She looks like Mas. An RPS student.

At the time when I knew Mas, she was having a complicated love-life.

But I think thats settled.

I was kinda close to her and her gang.

Previously known as 'The Dangerous Gang', currently known as 'The Begonia Crew'

Honestly telling I like the previous name better. seriously,

The 4 of them are awesome. Mas, Jambu, Ateen & Fatin.

But they're all grown up now & they don't think hanging out with their

teacher is cool anymore. Especially when they all have

Radhi OAG wannabe boyfriends. Haha...ha.... :(

I like Ain cause she looks like Iza.

The first time I saw her I felt like there's something about her,

but I cant quite place my finger on it.

Then after a few days I found out why.

She looks almist exactly like Iza.

Hm.. Me and Iza didn't exactly part in best of terms.

We got to know each other, went on 2 dates, both at mcDs.

It was quite nice, too bad it didn't last.

It was my mistake mostly, and I kinda feel bad about it sometimes.

I started first, cause I thought there was chemistry between us.

But when she started playing hard to get, I bailed.

I know it's just a play, and it's not a no.

And most of the times can be read as a yes.

But at that time I just didn't put in my bestest effort.

Maybe after getting to know her, I know that i wasn't the one.

And I didn't like that she had ALOT of guy friends.

She went to do an umrah recently.

I like this Chinese guy from 27 cause he looks like Hafis

At first I mistook him for the guy that Naziera doesnt like.

And always ignored him. He's face was a little too sweet too.

But I always felt something about him thats familiar.

Then one day infront of AS it hit me,

He was exactly like Hafis, only taller. LOL.

Hafis was my housemate back in Perdana, he managed the house really.

He's an awesome guy. I admire him quite abit.

He's determined, hardworking, responsible & quite mature.

But at the same time, he had exquisite taste in music & television.

He's doing MBBS in MSU now, & trust me when I say, MSU is lucky to have him.

He stays up every night & only sleep fm 4-7/8pm the next day. WTG?

There's more, but these are the ones that I see often.

I don't necessarily miss them, I just like the people who look like them here.

But some I really do. I feel like spending time with the people here.

Ow. Now THAT sounds freaky. Me spending time with the girl at the bag place?

Talk about stigma. But I want to. That's how much I miss home.

WORDPRESS

WORDPRESS is awsome!

I would love to have my blog there, but it's too much of work & too much of time to get it done, time I don't have. Sigh.. Maybe one day after I'm old and retired.

Anyway, today I felt the feeling of utter defeat. I always thought of myself to be an unpolished but talented writer, at least among by peers. Sadly, I was terribly wrong. Me thinking that I may have talent, is a disgrace to writers everywhere.

I agree that education, childhood, interest etc plays an essential role in whether you turn out to be a great writer or otherwise. But I think the gift of writing is just what it is. A gift. It's either you have received it, or you haven't. And that's determined when you write your first sentence.

A talented writer writes with passion, precision and creativity. He's an artist, word are his paint, blank pages are his canvas. Some may understand the depth of his art, some just perceive it as just another page. I myself don't comprehend the art of Literature, English or Malay. I wish I could. But.. I know enough to respect those who know this art.

Defeated I was today. By a mere girl at first glance. But with a pen and paper, she can slaughter you with her words. I felt ashamed at first. But then I realized. So what if I'm not gifted. The art of writing is for everyone, and the ability to write is a gift itself.

You need not bombastic words, perfect control of grammar, witty remarks or vast knowledge of arts and science. All you need is the pleasure of writing.

Things to Bring When you Travel

The necessary stuffs to bring when travelling obviously people would know. But here are some things that might be useful.

1. Bonjela - A mouth ulcer on a vacation is a definite mood killer

2. Photo - A family photo is always nice to bring along a long journey

3. Talcum powder - Useful against heat rash etc

4. Stationery - Even with i phones n other gadgets, pencil n paper is still the best

5. Water bottle - Dont have to worry abt finding for shop in a foreign place

-will be updated after PBL (damn I hate DNA replication)-

Hari Raya Aidiladha is about Sacrifice

Tahun ni aku sambut Raya Haji kat india. Eventhough lambat sikit, tapi rase jugak suasana raya thanks to senior2 yg anjurkan majlis. Not bad la given the circumstances kan. Ade mkn2, tgk video, nasyid & forum perdana.

Makanan2 tu senior yg masak sendiri, sedap gakla sbb lame tunggu baru bley mkn. Lauk kambing & ayam, & sayur jelatah, & buah tembikai. Ade agar2 bandung yg dlm die ade selasih. Agak special la (to me at least, cz tak pnah jmpe b4 this, lol). Tapi yg paling best ade cucur gelang. Huhu, teringat rumah, home. Mak ade gak buat, kalau balik kg pun pah akan buat gak kdg2. Rase agak sama, so agak rindu la. Huhu. Ade another ubi-ish kuih, tp tatau ape namenye. Not that nice, ubi yg tu kalau buat lbh byk cucur gelang orait gak. lol.

Video die standard quality. Lonely production punye. Narrator die not bad la, tp cinematography & editing ni very good. (ceh, aku mcm video critic plak, mende flash pun tatau pakai). Nwy, video ade 2, 1 pasal Nabi Ibrahim & Nabi Ismail. Alhamdulillah, dpt refresh balik kisah dorg. Tapi takde pun dorg mention kibas. Aku salah ingt ke? Ntah la. Hm.. Yg ke2 pasal hari2 persiapan majlis. Dari hari pemilihan kambing, raya eve, time memasak & lukis banner. Hm.. Nanti bile aku senior nanti aku ngn member2 plak yg kne buat. Kami akan buat yg terbaik Insyallah.

Nasyid best. Ade 2, 1 gune keyboard & guitar (setahu aku alat muzik yg memetik ni tak baik, tp ntahla. Hm..), yg ke2 acapella. TERRIFIC CHOICE OF SONG. 22 lagu 1st time aku dgr, tp best, ade modern vibe & sedap. 1st song aku tatau lagu ape, 2nd song Nazy tlng carikan tajuk, Hafiz Hamidun, cerita hati. Tp senior ckp Pada Hari Biru, tp lagu same, maybe dorg version laen kot. Not bad la suara dorg.

But the highlight of the event 4 me quite surprisingly was the forum perdana. Eventhough agak lame, so aku tak concentrate last2, but overall they pulled it off quite well. I liked the panel, Nohara & a guy. They were both quite good, & they didn't target anybody (me especially) specifically. Tokoh yg dipilih was HAMKA. An Indonesian noble accused of betraying his country & that he had to sacrifice his patience & dignity to stay alive & remain a muslimin yg soleh. It was a nice approach of the matter of sacrifice. Bak kata panel, mengambil contoh tokoh yg berada dekat dgn zaman kite spy kite boleh relate. I agree, & the story somewhat moved me at some level. Pengacara majlis pun byk menyelit2kan kata2 pasal pengorbanan.

Actually, the part after this je baru la the blog I wanted to post. Yg b4 b4 this ni sume patutnye pendahuluan je. Haha. Ntah kenapa trase nak blog abt the celebration skali, i usually dont do tht. Nwy, lepas dgr cerita HAMKA & pasal pengorbanan, aku pun tergerak hati nk berkorban. Kat majlis td dorg ade mention, pengorbanan ni susah, tapi ganjarannye lebih besar. Aku setuju. & ade sumthng yg terlintas di hati aku jgk time die bg contoh2 pengorbanan yg boleh dibuat oleh student medic. Actually pengorbanan2 yg kite buat kebyknnye mmg la ganjaran nye kite tak nmpk sbb dlm bentuk pahala, tp ade jgk pengorbanan yg kite boleh nmpk ganjarannye pada diri sendiri.

So aku nk buat list of sacrifices that I can carry out & their benefits;

1. Qorbankan masa facebook, internet etc -

bile qorbankan masa internet, kite kurangkan masa melihat bende yg takde niat nk tgk sbnrnye, tp trtgk jgk sbb lame online. Ex, youtube, lepas 11 video, mmg takkan habes, & kdg2 ntah pape je ade kat youtube tu. Dpt lagi byk mase utk belajar, unis da dekat sgt dah. Masa yg b4 this trlebih bazir kat internet tu, lebih baik bace Al-Quran or Surah Yasin, dpt pahala.

2. Berqorban dgn tak makan byk; berhenti sebelum kenyang -

Tak baik membazir, amalan syaitan (alhamdulillah, aku jrng membazir, tp ade jgk kdg2 tu, so kne berubah lagi). Tak sihat lansung mkn sampai sengkak & susah nak berjalan. Kalau mak ade mesti die marah, jgn zalim terhadap perut sendiri hny sbb nafsu, perut tu bukan tong sampah. Dpt jimat duit, dahla takde duit da skrg, nak minum coffee pun fikir 23 kali.

3. Qorbankan series & movies -

Dpt lagi byk mase utk belajar, unis da dekat. Series & movies ni takkan habes, dorg akan ade je yg baru, ayat mak aku yg paling best, haha, tp betul, so mmg neverending. Pandai2lah pilih ape yg nk tgk, tak semua berbaloi berjam2 tgk. So tgk satu dua jela, tu pun kalau da tak tertahan sgt dah.

4. Qorbankan masa di luar bilik -

Agak vague no 4 ni. What i mean is, kalau kejap je kat bilik, lg rendah probability utk solat sunat or bace Yasin etc cz balik & tido je. Kalau kat luar, kalau tak ke masjid, takde maknenye nak beribadah. So lebihkan masa di bilik & bile2 trase stress or minda penat, berhenti berehat dgn solat sunat or bacaan Yasin. Kan molek.

5. Qorbankan masa utk ke usrah kat masjid -

Yg ni agak susah nak buat. Time usrah kat lecture hall lepas class hari sabtu, mesti cam semangat nak pergi saturday circle. Tp bile dpt msg, 'usrah 4pm spread' tu, mesti je timing tak kena (act there's no such thing as timing yg kena, ce try fikir, kite mesti tgh buat sumthng kn?). Nwy, kena overcome obstacle ni & pergi masjid. Niat tu mmg ade, tp ats sbb2 mcm takde motor & asyik ade exam, tak dpt nk pergi. Insyallah, next year, bile ade scooter & subject 2nd year yg more interesting, aku akan kerap ke masjid. Insyallah.. Kalau pegi usrah, balik mesti rase puas hati. Lagipun nk refresh tajwid yg mak ajar dulu.

6. Qorbankan duit utk membeli buku2 agama -

Insyallah boleh aku qorban kan sikit duit aku utk beli buku agama yg sesuai dgn aku. Setakat ni tak jumpe lagi. Lagipun skrg ni aku kat india. Reading material die agak limited. Tapi aku bertekad nak beli Terjemahan Al-Quran, mmg dari dulu da berniat, tp taktaw nk beli yg mane, lepas dah ade nanti bolehla mempelajari kuasa utama umat Islam.

7. Qorbankan masa bersama org yg membawa keburukan dari kebaikan -

Mmg la rase org2 ni best, & bukanla kata dorg ni jahat, just tht kalau kite slalu dgn org2 cmni, kite akan terpengaruh dgn cara dorg (& aku ni senang tepengaruh). Ade social experiment ni, 9 bdk baik & 1 bdk jahat dibiar berkwn, last2, 10 bdk tu jahat. This isnt tht simple la, just trying to say tht bad habits lg senang nk pick up dr good habits. Bukan nak kate dorg2 ni jahat, just ade bad habits yg kite boleh dpt klu slalu sgt bersama.

8. Qorbankan masa belajar & tenaga utk bersukan -

A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. It's very true. Ramai dah student medic yg bersukan, sbb jasmani yg sihat akan bwk minda yg sihat, so lagi senang nk serap ilmu. Mmg la ssh nk korbankan masa belajar, lagi2 klu ade test. Alasan aku slame ni takut penat & esk ade class, tp sampai bile nk camni, hari2 pun ade class. So knela biasakn diri, nanti lepas da biasa, Insyallah, ilmu pun senang nk tangkap.

9. Qorbankan perasaan riak & takbur -

Korg tak riak & takbur? Think again. Have you ever been proud? overconfident? Tu da dekat2 dah dgn riak & takbur. Korbankanlah sikap ni. Kalau kite humble & tak overconfident, kite akan dihormati org & kita akan lebih prepared. Its kind of the opposite, overconfident tak semestinye prepared, in constrast, someone yg not overconfident can be more prepared.

10. Qorbankan masa berblog -

Oops. Bye. ;)

Does love really hurts?

They say..
The hardest part of loving someone
is knowing when to let go,
and knowing when to say goodbye.
A failed relationship may have brought you a lot of pain
but at the end of the day,
you learn from them
and come out from them wiser
and with a clearer picture of
what you want or don’t want in your next relationship.
And the pain doesn’t last, everyone gets over it.
At the end of the day you won’t miss him
but you will miss who you thought he was.
Love someone worth of your love..
True love will never fade unless it was a lie.

Lagenda Budak Tua

I thought today was any other day. I go to class, I come back, I rest, I study & then I sleep. Turn out today was the day. Some part of me knew that today was bound to happen. It took longer than I expected so my optimism got the best of me. Actually, I'm sure stuff like this happens countless times before, just that I never found out. So it wasn't that bad. I thought I was prepared for it, guess I'm just full of myself.

Lagenda Budak Tua. Its kinda catchy actually. The Legend of the Old Kid. Its like an 80's kung-fu movie. Which is kinda funny cz I was born in the 80's. lol. That's right. I was born in the 80's. I WAS BORN IN THE 80'S! And it wasn't such a bad time, Mahathir was Prime Minister, they had McGuyver & the A-Team on tv & McDs was still our no. 1 choice of fast food. It was kinda cool.

So I'm alot older than the other kids here. I knew that even before I went for the interview. Back then I said, "I understand it's going to be an uphill because of my age, but I am prepared". Wow. lol. At that time, I was all fired up, daring to dream. My motto then, even though I never said it out loud, was,

"It doesn't matter how far, or how long you go, as long as you get there, & be happy along the way", or something like that.

But now that Im here. Things aren't quite as I expected. I thought I would be the best student here, have the lone ranger act thats all cool & study everyday and be single all the way and bag me a nurse during housemenship. Turn out to be the exact opposite. Im definitely NOT one of the best students here (ayat2 persediaan utk jatuh table), I end up being one of the Malaysian Students Association rep, have cool close friends who I care for a lot. And I hooked up with a sweet beautiful girl. Im not complaining, definitely, grateful even. but with things like that going on for me, people are tend to talk, especially when it's me, 'budak tua'.

Just now my girl called me & asked me to see something written on the table, so I walked with her & wanted to take a look. When I tried, she put her hand over to cover it. I didnt realize why at first, & what she did just made me more curious. So I asked her to remove her hand.. & there it was. In plaid pencil.

"LAGENDA BUDAK TUA. HAHA"

Oh. Then she took my eraser & started erasing. But.. too late. Damage done. To me at least. But Im glad she did though, I mean, a grafitti on the dissection desk? Somayaji would kill us all if he ever finds out. I was a little surprised, but quite calm abt it at the same time. It was like, "Im old & people are mocking me abt it", then a few seconds later, "Eh wait, I know this was going to happen, & Im sure its been happening all the time"

The thing is, theres 2 kinds of people. Some are so supportive and caring that they treat me even nicer than before, Category A. But for some, Category B it's TOTALLY hilarious. Theyre like, "Hahaha, he's so old I bet he already has 3 kids". Thats expected of the human race however, so I'm not here to judge. Just that you wont know which person comes under which category. Some you know from day one. Nice ones who you know care for you and knows how to respect others, theyre category A. & the ones who are insecure, busy bodies or cant stand people with secrets, these people are definitely category B. Most people fall under category B, which is normal. But thats easier for me actually, I know who are my friends and who are not.

Hey, life's isnt that simple. I had a good thing going actually. A not-so-bad degree, a job with an opportunity for masters, friends who love me, students who respect me & maybe even a relationship. Life was fun & exciting for the 1st time. But, I keep telling myself I wasn't happy then, & that THIS is what I wanted, when actually, I was. So I dropped everything and came here. Sometimes I wonder whether that was the right decision or otherwise.. After a few moments, I'll recollect myself & then I know, I did the right thing. Quoting a very wise student of mine, Priscilla Balakrishnan.

"Nak buat camne, mengejar cita2, tak salah kan? Dont care what other people say"

Words to live by, nicely said. I would have done the same thing all over again & I dont regret being here. So here I am. Mengejar cita2. People have dreams. Some are lucky enough to do it the shortest way possible, comfortably & safely. Some have to take the long way, struggle along & risk so many things. But doesnt that make you better in the end? Maybe not. But, I do know this. Life is unfair. So the only thing you can do is, do the best with what you have. & thats what Im doing now. Can I say the same for you?

& since I'm blogging, I might as well say what I think out loud. 'I know you're young & I don't have anything against that. I was young once too. Its the prime of your life. But youth or old age doesn't measure success. & with an attitude like that, not respecting elders and insulting others for the most trivial reasons, how are you going to learn from them? & most of the people in this profession are DEFINITELY older than you kid. Food for thought.

Table 8

Table 8 is a table consisting of the top 15 students with the highest anatomy marks for both 1st & 2nd blocks. Im in 3rd block now.

Mule2 tu aku mmg target nak table 8. Bkn sbb nk glamour, tapi sbb nk results power sbb nk dpt JPA. Jd prosector pown cam best. Lame tak ajar budak2, rindu plak. So aku pown blaja la rajin2. Hari2 blaja anat, tak pnah miss. Well ade la a few days, tp overall mmg teruk la study. Lepas blk malaysia ri tu pown risau2 gak takut tak dpt table 8.

Tp hari isnin aku dpt taw aku table 8. Alhamdulillah. Rezeki. Results ok, ade la peluang nk dpt JPA. Tp.. Aku tak fikir jauh. Table 8 bkn sempurna. Ade byk keperitannya. Aku bukan nak mempersoalkan ape2, tp dari ape yg aku alami seminggu ni, ini baik buruk table 8:

Kebaikan:

1. maksudnye results power & ada can nak mintak JPA

2. jadi prosector boleh ajar budak2 tu

3. tablemates sume pandai2 so dorg bley ajar

4. org yg tak respect kite b4 da respect sket kte skrg

5. mak, ayah & naziera rase bangga :)

Keburukan:

1. table lecturer ajar laju sbb dorg 'take us for granted cz were the cream of the class'

2. aku stress kat table & aku tak berani tny soalan sbb nanti rase tak pandai

3. org slalu ejek2 table 8 eventhough ktorg struggle blaja baru la dpt kn

4. terpaksa belajar lagi teruk lagi sbb bila balik sbb aku tak sepandai tablemate lain

5. lecturer jarang sikit ulang pape cz expect kite 'to be alert & ready to take in ideas'

6. kerja prosector maknenye kne belajar block 1 pny sbb nk ajar budak2 tu

7. dekat dgn loceng, sakit gile telinga, jauh dari pintu blkg

8. xde kwn rapat kat table 8 & kwn2 laen tamau dtg meja

9. bila tablemate tny pape, byk yg tatau & rase malu gila

10. lecturer slalu bg info yg 'not required for you' sbb anggap kite ni pandai sgt

11. tablemate sume rajin gile mmg psycho & mmg takkan ade mase cadaver to kosong

12. tak boleh nak melawak sgt cam kat table dulu cz tablemate ramai yg motivated 4 study

13. kalau takde gloves tu rase mcm org asing cz sume org ade glove

14. time blaja tablemate cpt gile tangkap konsep sampai kite rase bodoh

15. org table laen tunggu je org table 8 jatuh, mmg tu lumrah manusia

So.. Nw i knw. Tapi, aku takkan anggap ni sbg halangan tp aku akan anggap sbg cabaran. Hm, rather than typing mende alah ni baik pg aku pg study anat, da la skrg evry weekday ade dissection. Fuh, ade semangat baru ni. Jiayou!

PERKARA YANG BOLEH MEMBATALKAN IMAN

SYIRIK

menyekutukan Allah dengan sesuatu pada zat, sifat dan af'alnya

KUFUR

tidak percaya kepada Allah serta mengingkari ajaran yang disampaikan oleh Nabi Muhammad S.A.W

RIDDAH

berpaling atau keluar daripada agama islam

KHURAFAT

kepercayaan dan perbuatan karut yang dianggap mempunyai hubungan dengan agama islam sedangkan pada hakikatnya bertentangan dengan konsep tauhid dan syariat

SIHIR

Ilmu yang berkaitan perbuatan secara halus melalui pertolongan makhluk ghaib, iaitu dengan bantuan syaitan atau jin bertujuan memudharatkan atau mengelirukan manusia

NIFAK

Berpura-pura melahirkan keimanan sedangkan hati tetap kufur kepada Allah

Kalau kita tak buat sesuatu yang salah sebab takut kepada benda lain yang bukan Allah s.w.t. adakah itu membatalkan iman? Janganlah anda fikir sendiri.. Tanyalah ustaz. Aku pun akan tanya nanti.

bungakekwa3

Tadi ade org ketuk pintu bilik aku. Aku buka je tgk2 tempe yg jage counter AS kat bwh tu. Die bg aku slip mintak byr utilities. 8355rupees. Rm835 la sng citer. Sigh.. Aku takde duit nak bayar, & aku malu nak mintak duit kat parents aku. Dorg baru je bg rm800 utk tiket flight & hp baru aku. Aku sedeh sgt. Not just sbb ni, ade byk lgi sbb..

1. Aku takde duit nak makan pown sbnrnye. Evrytime pown pinjam duit naziera. & brape byk lansung aku nak pinjam? Aku pown ade harga diri jgk, malu la nak pinjam slalu. Aku ade minta mak aku masukkan duit sikit, tp lepas raya baru mak aku masukkan, tu pown rm1000 utk 6 bln. Aku rase tak cukup, tapi tak sampai hati nak minta byk2.

2. Eventhough results aku ok, tp tak cukup baik lagi. Aku nak jadi the best. Tp ade bdk2 kat sni lagi pandai dari aku, serajin mana aku pown aku tak dpt nk beat dorg. Dorg mcm shin sejuiro. Cmne aku yg sakuraba hayato ni compete? & sebaik2 mana pown results aku, mara takkan kesah kan aku. So aku belajar gila2 ni utk diri sendiri & bkn utk mara mcm dulu.

3. Budak2 jpa & mara ni kaya gila. Dpt 500USD/mnth = Rm1500/mnth. Per month! Aku dpt rm1ooo utk 6 mnths! Bdk2 private kat sni pown tak kurang hebatnye. Sume kaya2 blaka, baru la mampu dtg sini kan? Sume pegang iphone, pg vacation overseas. Fhm2 jelah.

4. Aku tinggalkan hidup aku yg selesa utk bersusah payah kat sini. Aku tinggalkan negara, family, friends, kerja yg stabil, harapan utk masters, kad magic & so much more. Demi ape? Demi cita2.. & I have to trade all that with, study gila2 hari2, raya aidilfitri kat india, makanan india yg tak sedap, jumpe mayat hari2, bilik yg penuh kulat etc.

5. Yg ni yg buatkan aku paling sedih. DOUBT. Aku mula sangsi pd diri sendiri.. Did i make the right decision coming here? Did i make a mistake resigning from msu? I seriously dont know. I didnt expect things to be so expensive, so difficult & so hard.. I miss my working life. I's like a dream now. Sometimes I feel that my 3 years in msu & my working life was all a waste. Then I stumbled upon something..

"my life just like bubbles" student aku pny blog.

1 post die tu "bungakekwa3" ade mention sikit psal aku n colleague aku time keje dulu.

aku rindu giler ngn sir adam n mr J.
dyorg lect the best ever i had.

sir adam sgt2 byk tolong dlm study. byk bg semangat.
semangat dlm belajar. cinta. complete set lah. haha
snggup bg notes dy kat aku. terharu.
mr J sbb mase purse aku hilang time tu de lab test dy.
sumpah aku xley jawab. byg la aku ngah risau. kepala blank pk duit. ic. lesen. kad bank.
sume la. then, dy snggup nk pinjamkan fon tok kol mymum. mmg xla aku nk gtau. hehehe.
i refused. sume classmates terberhenti dgn pe yg jd kat aku. muke pucat kot.
sir adam n mr j kate muke aku cm avatar time tu. biru. hahaha
but he told sir adam pasal tuh. utk tlg aku g balai polis.

akhir sem. aku text both lect ajak makan big apple. haha.
sumpah sir adam giler2. mr j lak malu2. miss that time!!!!
but now sir adam kt india smbung study. mr j pon same. tp kt australia.
neweei, thnnxxx sir sbb ajar fafa subjek immune n hema.

Aku tak pandai sgt blogging so tatau cane nak edit bg lawa, so aku copy paste je terus. Apepun, these few words makes me happy. At least I brought a change in someone's life. Not much, but still, it's there. This reminds me that my previous life was not a waste. So what if my life sucks now. I had a great life before. I was somebody. Ive helped others. I am remembered.

Thanks fafa. U cheered me up.

My Life

Sometimes aku akan terfikir, is this the right thing for me? I mean, aku da ade degree, da ade kerja & da ade nmpk cahaya2 master at the end of the tunnel.. Tp aku tinggalkan sume tu.. for medicine. Mmgla medicine tu cita2 aku, but, is it really worth it? Since my secret's out, I might as well share it here. My life is full of choices & hardships..

Time ambil biomed kat msu dulu dorg janji 3thn biomed, then smbng 3 thn medicine bley jd doctor. Tp nasib aku malang. Dorg tukar policy, approve je medical science, biomed di anak tiri kan. Yg 3+3 hnylah medical science, biomed 3 + 4 1/2. Dah la tu, ims tu mahal gila, & aku tny mara, dorg tak bleh sponsor. & aku tak sanggup tgk bdk2 mara yg dpt duit byk gile bile aku nk byr tuition fees pon ssh. Aku ingt, takpelah, boleh je hidup sng dgn degree biomed, its not extravagant, but i think i can be content. Aku habes practical & degree biomed june 09. & sementara tunggu convo, aku lepak kat rumah jela.

One day aku dpt taw mak aku nk hantar adik aku ke manipal. Truth be told, kat dlm sudut hati aku dulu, aku mmg nak manipal, tp tak terdaya. Tp adik aku tu mcm nak tak nak je. Form ntah ke mane, mmg tak prepare pape. That time.. I saw my dreams dangled in front of me.. & aku decide nk try lagi. So bile mak aku offer, aku ckp kat mak aku nak pegi. Interview kacang je, so aku dpt masuk. But the main problem here is.. money.

"Mak, kite ade duit ke? Mahal sgt ni."

Mak aku kata "Mara kan ade, mane ade fmly melayu yg mampu hantar anak luar negara gne duet sendiri", with so much of confidence that i trusted her..

Aku interview august 09, september 09 tu intake batch 25. Sbb msu dengki kat stdnt sendiri tamau release transcript, aku terpaksa masuk intake march 2010 cz dorg kate tak sempat september intake. So I have 7 months on my hands. I didnt know at this time, that I can only get my transcript the june 2010. Then takkan aku nk duk rumah je 1/2 year, so aku apply keje a few places, medical lab, tutor etc. Susah sket org nk trime kerja cz transcript takde ni. Terbaiklah msu.

November 09 aku dpt jadi guru ganti kat rps. Its a temporary job, but it was a great experience. Aku dpt rase camne keje kerajaan, camne kerja mak ayah aku, interaksi dgn org dewasa, jadi employee kpd employer yg dasyat, knal student2 & mrase pg skolah dgn perempuan. Haha, aku skola laki, so jakun gak la bile masuk clas sume perempuan. But all in all, it was short & sweet. Tergerak jgk hati nk jadi gstt. Tp, nasib aku ttp malang, cz gstt da takde dah, cikgu2 sume hny dari upsi skrg since maktab da takde. Time cuti skolah, aku dpt call dari msu.

Aku ade apply tutor kat msu bln 9 or 10 camtu. Bln 11 msu ambil aku kerja. Die taw la aku stdnt die jgk kn, so transcript takde pown takpe. Cgpa 3.6, tak ambik rugi la. Aku kalau boleh tamau pandang dah msu, tp lg kite taknak, yg tula kite dapat. Sabar jelah. Eventhough byk keburukan yg aku malas nak type byk2 kat sni, tp at least otak aku tak karat sgt sbb aku kne study baru bleh ngajar. Aku masuk kerja 7/12/09. Aku dpt subject immuno & microb utk bdk2 diploma & lab session clinical patho utk bdk2 degree.

Time aku kerja kat msu, mmmc da mintak duet. RM33,ooo. & mak ayah aku pown buat loan kat bank islam. Dorg tak bincang pown dgn aku lagi skali. Dorg anggap cz aku da pg interview, so aku mmg sah2 nak buat medicine. Aku hny blk time ayah nak masukkan cek dlm pos,

& time tu ayah aku ckap, "There goes 33 thousand"

Aku rase bersalah gila, tp sbb aku ingatkan ade mara, so aku bersabar..

Aku pown kerja la kat msu tu. Aku tak jadi sir yg strict, aku fhm ape rasenye jd stdnt kat msu, the broken promises, the lies, the deceit. So aku boleh relate. & aku cube sedaya upaya utk tolong budak2 ni. Beza umur dgn aku pown ade yg 3 thn je, bdk2 diploma. Yg beza setahun pown ade, budak degree. Aku rapat dgn students cam fafa, nana, fifa & ramai lagi. Mule2 kerja tu bosan la jgk, tp lame2, cam best. Da kenal students, ade member2 tutor & lecturer laen, da taw cara2 nk ngajar, da taw system tmpt kerja etc. Aku rase dewasa. Rasa besar. I thought I would only be contented, but I was happy. Ingat lepas convo, pg la apply masters kat ukm, usm etc. Its not as glamorous as medicine, but maybe its fate.

Then it's finally time to make a decision. Intake mmmc march, aku masih kerja lg dgn msu February tu. Aku taw yg kalau aku back out, out of 33k yg parents aku da byr tu, 30k je akan dpt blk, 3k burn. Aku mmg tak sanggup nk bazirkan 3k, so my decision was somewhat swayed on one side. It was a very difficult decision. It was soo hard that I gave my resignation letter late & had to pay back msu rm760. Aku pnah buat post pasal ni dulu, so I wont repeat. Still, mase ni aku masih anggap boleh dpat mara. On march 9th aku resign. Aku tinggalkan hidup aku sbg tutor kat msu. This too, was short & sweet.

So what?

So what?

So what if you're not hot?

You're beautiful. You're cute. & you're sweet. Hot-ness wont be there forever, once you age, only these things will remain. & these are the things that makes me fall for you in the first place.

So what if you tak pandai masak?

Masak boleh je nak belajar. Tak penah pegi medical school, cne nk jadi doctor. Same here. You tak belajar lagi, so jangan la kate u tak pandai. Actually I think you really can cook. & let's say by chance you don't want to cook, I seriously don't mind. We can always eat out. Doctors have a lot on their plates other than food.

So what if you call me at night to talk to me?

I'm your other half. You waking up, is like me waking up too. Whatever it is that is bothering you, bothers me too. & it's your responsibility to let me know at that particular second. Because I love you. So please. Please. Don't hesitate to call me (gosh i sound like Raju kidney, LOL). I'm here for you, before, now, and forever.

If you laptop is out of service,

we service it. It may take some money, but shit happens. You never waste your money on things that you don't need like branded clothing, shoes, bags, or excessive make up, or whatever it is that girls buy. I'll miss not having you online for a few days, guess I have to bear it. That's the least I can do since I can't fix it for you.

If you have to wake up in the morning,

wake me up too. I want your voice in the morning to be the first thing I hear when I wake up in the morning. It's soothing, relaxing & makes me want to wake up. Because I know, only when I'm awake, I get to be with you. & that is a dream come true.

So what? I love you sayang, & that's all that matters.

Productivity

I'll try to make this as short as possible.

We dont need EVERYBODY to do something fewer ppl can do,

just because the more popular opinion is tht everybody must participate.

Thats just a waste of time.

Another view is tht participation is required for bonding.

This may be true, but bonding may be achieved by so many other ways,

& bonding is only necessary when bonding is desired, which isnt always the case.

Ex.

There's a class party on sunday.

So they need to clean up the classroom on saturday.

There's 40 students, & only 10 is needed to clean.

Doesnt mean ALL 40 stdnts must come on saturday just for the sake of it.

I mean its a SATURDAY.

If everybody has to participate,

then each stdnt have to come all the way to school,

on a saturday,

& only clean only a small part of the class,

& go back.

Thats just stupid to me.

If participation is REALLY required, then find some other way

to divide the task so that everybody can participate without wasting time.

If thats not possible, then too bad.

Just bond at the party itself.

If that really is the reason for the party, then it shouldnt be a problem.

It all comes down to PRODUCTIVITY vs BONDING.

Everybody participates in doing something that only a few is required to, to bond.

or

Only the required amount of ppl do it, but not all have participated, so they dont bond.

But. If the person doesnt want to bond in the 1st place, then how?

Its A Love Story

Aku da trlupe pasal citer ni for a few years nw, ttb hr tu teringat blk, tatau knp. Cite lame ni, time aku kecil2, maybe stndrd 6 tak pon form 1 camtu, serious tak ingat.

Aku dulu skola laki dari std 1 smpi fm5, & aku x naik bas, x pg tuition & x brkwn ngn bdk kg. So aku mmg takde kwn pmpn time kecil2. But, my mum slalu bwk ktorg pg library. Kat Ipoh ade library ktorg pnggl Lib Tambun, rsenye mmg tu kot nme die (evnthough cam jauh sket dari tambun, haha). Nwy, aku ngn adik aku yg name Nuh tu adelaa ade kat lib ni. Ttb die dtg bwk kertas pastu die ckp,

"Abg adam, ni budak perempuan kat luar tu bagi"
dulu2, kat luar lib ade stall kecil, dorg jual2 mknn ringan etc.

at 1st I din believe, i mean what does a girl want wth me kn, so i told "Mu jgn maen2"

"Takla, betul", & he hands me a piece of paper. On the ppr theres a house number (zmn tu mnde henset sgt lg, summo we were so young), & a girl's name. The sad part is, I seriously cant remember the girls name. Im willing to do anything to remember, mmg tak ingat. But Im kinda sure it starts with S. Shahida? Suhana? Ntahla. Sigh..

Aku pun ambil kertas tu, & Nuh told, "Budak perempuan kat luar tu yg bagi".

I was quite excited & alot flattered. I mean, its A GIRL! Aku mane la knal kaum hawa ni. Damn sad right. Time nak balik tu, aku usha2 la kat kaunter tu, ade budak perempuan. Free hair. But ade 2 org so I duno which 1, lgpun aku x brenti jln, so x clear sgt. Da balik rumah, mlm tu aku try call die. My heart was pumping so fast that it was kinda hurting, haha.

Then someone picked up;
me: "Asalamualaikum"
she: "Walaikumusalam"
me: "S ade?" (we just call her S since I cant recall her name)
she: "ye saye"
me: "err, saya budak yg awk bagi nombor tadi "
she: "oo, adam eyh." (guess Nuh told something before he took the number from her, some heads up would have been nice huh)
me: "a'aa"

& pastu ktorg borak2 kjap, tak ingat pasal ape, tp aku ingat 1 bende. Line die teruk GILER! I struggled to hear what she was saying. Pas 5 min camtu, we put down the phone. Seronok la obviously, but I felt kinda akward then, haha.

Eventhough I was young, aku taw jgkla spy tak nmpk desperate sgt, so esknye aku tak call, I called the next day. Tapi line tak clear jgk, so ckp kjap je. That weekend ktorg pg library lg, I jenguk2 la kat stall kat dpn tu, tp ade org dewasa je, die takde. Sedih. Aku call la after few days, tp still same, line tak clear. Then the saddest part. I LOST her number. Ade jgk try ingt2 balik a few months later, tp dpt wrong number je. But.. aku takdela sedeh sgt, cz ade number pon tak gune, cz x dengar pon die ckp ape.

Tetapi. Knowing that this person existed, made me very happy. This may sound so lame, but.. Setiap kali lepas solat mase tu, aku akn minta doa & 'wish so that S leads a happy life, eventhough she tak kenal me'. Thats y this is my 1st love story. Its somewhat imcomplete, but it made a great impact in my life.

I came a long way since then. Experienced love, lost it, & found it once again. Iv forgetten abt this for I think 3 years plus, but Im glad I still remember pieces of the story.

S. Wherever you are.. Thank you. In my heart, there will always be a place for you.

Alasan

Untuk menyedapkan hati, aku dah letakkan kat sini 5 alasan kenapa result aku agak teruk untuk 1st block:
1. sbb aku berhenti belaja sejak june last year, pastu keje since november til march, so aku da lame tak blaja. bila da kerja, momentum utk study tu da lari, so ssh nk dpt balik.
2. aku cam da tua, so otak da agak slow nk dibandingkan dgn budak2 kat sni. RAM kurang.
3. have to admit, aku tak serajin a few of the students over here. dorg cam agak terlampau rajin. sbnrnye stdnt medicine mmg kne camtu kn klu nk distinction? hope aku sedar sikit utk block 2 ni.
4. like everybodyelse, medicine cam ssh, its not like b4, so takleh la nak score cam dulu. lgpn kat sni laen ckit approach die. I hate PBL & SDL!!! Its a sneaky way of the faculty to jam a big chapter into our heads without teaching it. Quite michigan state.
5. last but not least, i need someone with me. to guide me, to motivate me, to be with me. I didnt have that person b4. now I do. naziera kuzaimah ~ sumber inspirasiku.

Hey Someone~

I never go with the wind..

Just let it flow...

~part of my girlfriend's favourite song.

yup.

thts what I said.

girlfriend.

haha, im hitched!

tak sangka you!

be happy for me, cz she loves me so very much.

so im well taken after.

she's sweet, caring & all the things a girlfriend should be.

i'll keep her as a surprise & will talk abt her bit by bit here.

i wont tell everythng abt her nw.

cz im too selfish. she's mine & mine alone.

yeah, i love her so very much too.

her name? as if you dont know..

Naziera Kuzaimah. but I call her sayang..

Naziera Kuzaimah bt Mohamad

Sebuah Kisah Sedih (part II)

Sambungan kepada cerita di blog yg sblmnye, huhu. Rasenye lepas 2 tahun cz die kuar "2 tempe tempe".

Lepas 2 tahun, ade tunjuk 1 tempe ni tgh bwk moto stop kat lampu merah, then camera zoom kat pompuan kat blkng moto tu. Nesha! Huhu. Then camera zoom bwh sikit, ade baby!! Anak sape? Bukan anak nadesha rasenye, maybe this new guy ni suami baru nesha? Rasenyela, so ni anak die? Huhu. Aku namakn suami baru die ni Salman. Then ade 1 tempe yg nampak serabai gila & mmg gila lalu kat tepi jalan. Rambut, misai die panjang tak terurus, pakai koyak rabak etc. Classic hobo. Die tgh ckap, 'ayoyoyong, ayoyoyong'. Nwy, nesha pon tgk la tempe gile ni dgn teliti. Then die nampak ade tatoo kat dada kanan hobo tu. Its nadesha!! OMG!! Pas 2 thn, nadesha da jadi org gila yg tak keruan! Nesha cam da nak pengsan atas moto, tp moto da jln, slmt die tak jatuhkan anak die, huhu.

Malam tu, nesha cam tak tahan lagi & pegi cari hobo tu (nadesha), die jerit2 cari hobo tu kat jalan mlm2. Pas bbp minit die jmpe. Die trus melutut & menangis kat situ. Die jerit nadesha, nadesha!! Nadesha da tak kenal die, die just sebut 'ayoyoyong, ayoyoyong' & tepuk2 kepala die sendiri. Tgh2 nesha tgh nangis2 ni, ttb dtg salman, bwk anak die skali. Terus lagi menangis nesha, die jerit2 nadesha2 kat suami die.

Salman tgk kat nesha, die passing kan anak die kat nesha, pastu pg kat nadesha. Mule2 aku tatau die nk buat ape, nk belasah ke ape. Then die just ambil nadesha, nesha & anak die pg tempat laen, ke rmh la kot. My God, baik gile salman ni.

& then tibe2 kuar credits!!!! I was like, what? U cant be serious. Tp mmg, die habes camtu je. Huhu. Sedeh gile kot citer ni. Tp 1 thingla, salman mmg baik gile.

Now the rational behind the names chosen:
1. nadesha : sbb last2 nesha akan jerit nadesha2, so aku conclude tula name hero.
2. nesha : sbb hero nadesha, aku bg je heroin nesha spy rhyme sikit.
3. ganesh : sbb part kat dpn shrine tu, die ade kte ganesh, so maybe name die kot.
4. kalimuthu : nama ni nama penjahat time aku darjah 3. sesuai dgn watak ni aku rse.
5. appa : rasenye bapak nesha, sbb die panggil appa, klu bkn, name die appa kot.
6. salman : dlm cte kuch2hotahai, salman khan sanggup lepaskn kajol ke shahrukh khan, aku rse die baik gile, & sesuai dgn watak ni.

PS: Rupenye name cite ni Khadav, meaning love. (thnx thevin & shangeetha)

Sebuah Kisah Sedih (part I)

Tadi aku nazy babeh balik ke manipal dari mangalore naik bas yg takde AC tp ade tv. Haha. Die pasang movie tamil aku rase. Mule2 aku tak tgk sgt, cz time tu nazy babeh tak tido lagi. Aku tringt ade parts yg hero tersalah tumbuk member die & etc. Mula2 aku malas nk tgk cz takde subtitle, so aku pun tgk2 cincai jela. Tapi bile die masuk bas cam rapid KL aku rase tertarik plak. Haha.

Aku tak faham sgt citenye, cz takde subtitle. Tp aku cuba yg terbaik utk interprete & cerita dgn teliti, so bear with me.

Mule2 ade hero ni la, aku namakan die nadesha, & heroin die nesha. So nadesha n nesha tgh dlm bas rapidIndia, dorg tgh sedeh sgt, aku tatau pasal ape. Nangis2 je dorg dlm bas. Nadesha ade lap2 air mata nesha. Pastu dorg da sampai mne ntah dorg pun turun n sambung nangis2 lagi. Nesha pun teringat time die kat rumah die, ade fmly die sume. Agak senangla family die. Aku rase skrg nadesha & nesha takde duit kot. Pastu dorg pg tgk wyg. Citer tamil gak la. Agaknye die gune duit2 terakhir die utk tgk wyg. Dlm wyg tu dorg mkn capati?? Seriously looked like capati. Ala2 popcorn, dorg mkn popcapati. Haha. Dorg stay lame dlm wyg tu smpi kne halau ngn makcik yg nk cuci wyg tu.

Esk paginye, nadesha & nesha tgh duduk2 la kat tepi jalan rsenye. Pastu kwn kpd hero ni dtg naik auto (agak excited aku ble nmpk auto kat tv sbnrnye, haha). Aku namakan kwn hero ni ganesh. Ganesh pun turun ar auto, n buka wallet die nk byr, cam byk je duit dlm wallet die. Pastu die pg jmpe nadesha & nesha. Die ckp2 skit ngn dorg & suruh dorg naik auto. Tapi nadesha cam pelik, asal ganesh ade byk duit & tnye2 mne die dpt duit. Mule2 ganesh tamau jwb, tp in the end, die jwb jgk. Agaknye die jual sumthng yg penting cz pastu je nadesha cam terharu gile ngn die, sampai ternangis2 nesha pun same.

Pada waktu yg same, ade lelaki jahat bertangan 1 & konco2 nye ni tgh cari couple hero tu. Die pg tny stp 1 tmpt yg dorg pnah pergi. Dorg siap ade tngkp 1 budak tu utk tunjuk jln. Dorg cari sampai jumpe rmh yg dulu couple tu pnah duduk. Pastu dorg sampai kat bilik nadesha, lelaki jahat bertangan 1, aku namakan je kalimuthu, jumpe gambar nadesha & ganesh time mude2. Kat blkng gmbr ade tulis ape ntah, maybe dorg adik bradik?? Tp muka dorg laen je.

Balik kpd nadesha, nesha & ganesh. Cz ganesh da ade duit, die blanje dorg extreme makeover. Dorg pg beli baju baru, (ganesh minta murah baju utk nesha, tp tauke kedai kain tu marah2), pegi salon etc. Pas da siap2 sume, nesha & nadesha pun jumpe la. Kuar la bunyi romantik kat blkng time nadesha nmpk nesha yg da lawa2. Dorg ber3 pon kuar la jln. Tatau ape hala tuju dorg.

Pastu lalu this small shrine, Lord Ganesha pny aku rase. Pastu ganesh suruh dorg kawen. Bleh eyh kawen camtu je. Mule2 dorg just tgk muke sendiri, tapi ganesh pergi letak 'pottu' merah kat dahi nadesha. Nadesha pun pakaikan kat nesha rantai kaler coklat ni. Die ikatkan kat blkng nesha. Lepas habes music romantic, dorg 22 tunduk ambil restu dari kaki ganesh. Cz die da byk gile tlng dorg kn. Mule2 ganesh cam malu2, tp last2 die pegang jgk kepala dorg. Pastu die peluk nadesha & nesha.

Time dorg tgh kawen ni, ramai gakla org yg nmpk. Pastu dorg sebut "wedding is going on", pastu ade sorg mamat kayuh basikal bwk brng2 ni nmpk dorg kawen. Pastu die dtg ckp ngn ganesh. mane bleh kawen simple2 ini macam, kawen kne grand. Aku rase la. Pastu tempe basikal call kawan die, kwn die tgh mandi ramai2 time tu. Lepas kwn die letak telefon, die shout ke 1 bangunan ade wedding. Pastu mmg best, sume org dtg prepare 4 the wedding. Dorg kumpul duit byk2, pastu siap2 wedding tu. Ade yg bwk decoration, ade yg buatkan kerusi etc.

Pastu cm besela ade menari2 yg stereotype, haha. Ganesh jadi hero mule2, die ade la buat aksi lucu dgn pakcik tua ni, pastu nadesha & nesha pun ketawa2. Lepas lame sikit baru nadesha plak menari, standard ar, hero kan. Pastu ttb nesha nyanyi lagu sedeh, agknye die terharu la dgn dorg2 ni. Pastu 1 tempe yg tak penting ni ckp, 'its a wedding, tempe tempe tempe', agaknye die kate, ni wedding kan, supposed to be happy. So wedding pon continue.

Lepas dorg kawen, da tunjuk a few days after that kot, nesha tgh masak & die tgk2 rantai coklat die tu. Nadesha keje baiki moto, okla, at last die ade keje, haha. Ganesh plak jual ape ntah kat tepi jalan. Time die tgh jual, ttb dtg kalimuthu! (Kalimuthu jumpe jgk dorg akhirnye, adoi). Pastu die cam buat ayat sedih kat ganesh, lame gakla, pastu ganesh da sedeh, die kate cukup & bwk kalimuthu pg rmh yg ade nesha. OMG! Ape da jadi ni??

Da sampai rmh tu, nesha nmpk je kalimuthu die trus peluk die nangis2. WTH?? Bukan kalimuthu jahat ke? Kompius aku tak faham. Pas die ckp2 dgn nesha, nadesha pun da balik dari bengkel, die nmpk la konco2 kalimuthu kat luar, pastu kalimuthu & nesha kuar. Nesha gtaw ape ntah kat nadesha & die setuju utk ikut kalimuthu. Aku da tak sedap hati dah, ai..

Dalam kete, konco kalimuthu yg drive & die duk sblh, dorg duk blkng. Then die dpt call dari sape ntah, ckp2 skit, mase tu nadesha da pegang tgn nesha da. Huhu, I have a bad feeling abt this. Then kalimuthu ckap2. Makin ckp, makin ketat nadesha pgng tgn nesha, n then kalimuthu bgn, tgk seat blkng pastu jerit2. Die tepuk2 tgn die yg kudung tu. Adakah nadesha yg buatkan tgn die trputus?? Ntahla. Kalimuthu mula blasah nadesha dlm kete, (so betul la kalimuthu ni jahat) terumbang-ambing gak ar kete tu. Tp kat India sume kete pun camtu.

Then da sampai kampung dorg. Aku rase kg nesha skali. Turun dari kereta je, byk gile konco2 kalimuthu tunggu kat luar. Mula2 aku ingt kalimuthu la big boss, ttb dtg plak tempe berambut hitler, aku namakan die Appa. Appa ni da tua dah, & gaya die mcm ketua kg. Nwy, appa ni marah2 nadesha cam gile, & then die ternampak rantai coklat nesha. Pastu die mula ar blasah nadesha, pakai kayu skali. Time yg same, nesha kne pukul ramai2 dgn tempe2 pompuan kat kg tu. Mmg agak kejam ar. Ade 1 makcik ni yg tlng defend die, tp tak gne jgk, ramai sgt. Ade jgk makcik ke mak nesha cz die pnggl amma-amma, die jerit2 kat nesha, & cam jerit2 kat crowd suruh blasah die lg.

Aku mati2 ingat time ni la hero tamil tu akan bangkit & skaligus blasah sume org kg & selamatkan nesha. Bolehla aku tgk aksi2 tumbuk & tendang yg tak kena badan. Bajet cam gune aura la cam DragonBall. Tapi malangnye tidak. Nadesha trus dibelasah dgn kayu, ditendang, disepak, dikneelock etc. Nesha sambil kne pukul jerit2 name nadesha, die da tak kne sgt da dgn pompuan kg tu. Nesha jerit2 la mintak dorg brenti blasah nadesha. Appa dgr, & biar nadesha kne blasah ngn konco2 die kjap & pg jmp nesha. Nesha cam ckp pls stop, i'll do anythng, rsenyela. Pastu appa ckp, kau putuskan rantai kau tu, aku lepaskan nadesha. Nadesha trdgr & ckp jgn2 kat nesha, nesha pun mule2 tamau buka.. Tp appa da ambil batu besar nk hempap kat kepala nadesha yg da ade atas tanah time tu. Nesha pun trpaksa putuskan rantai tu & campak atas tanah.

Nadesha yg ade atas tanah tu jerit2 & tutup muka, nesha plak nangis2 & tepuk2 muka die. Ade music sedeh, & ntah dari mane ade angin tiup2 tanah bile nadesha nk kutip rantai tu. Appa & org2 kg pon biarkan nadesha kat situ & bwk nesha balik. Dorg mandikan nesha, nesha cam kaku je, agknye die tgh state of shock kot. nadehsa plak jalan kuar dari kampung tu tp die jerit2 waah waah cam org gile.

Ikuti sambungan di part II..

Insipred by..

Inspired by life? LOL. Not really. More like inspired by Hedaaya, cz blog die best sgt!
Akhirnya da habes block 1. Alot of important events happened, but none of them are as important as the friends that have happened. I'll alphabetically rather than in order of apperance..

1. Caroline aka Karolin
Origin: Kajang
Insertion: Roll no 517
Nerve Supply: Dixie nerve
Action (favourite quotes) : 1) confused child 2) yeah right
Important points: Aku syg gile kat caroline ni. Die best sgt! die fun, byk story & so many things in common with me. we always think the same thing, its like we have a psychic connection. & time ktorg blaja, ktorg buat silly ways to remember & die mmg tak penah kesah. Die sweet, caring, fun & sgt2 adorable! Im so comfortable around carol cz I can be myself & she accepts me for who I am. & we high 5 all the time. she doesnt know it, but i LOVE our HIGH 5s!

2. Ezmir Rizwan aka Sexxxaaayyy!
Origin: Subang
Insertion: Roll No 627
Nerve Supply: Thenar nerve
Action (favourite quotes) : 1) What the fuck? 2) I KNOWh!
Important points: Ezmir is quite a character. Die menonjol gile dlm class tapi slalu tido & kne ngn lecturer dlm class. Ai.. & slalu lmbt dtg class jgk. Geng aku. Haha. But dont be surprised, eventhough he seems to be kinda rude, but he's actually alot nicer than all the other guys. He's helpful, attentive, selfless, funny and fun. There's one thing that I envy him. He's fucking smart. He sleeps in class, but with the bits of studying he does later on, he scores like mad. Bestnye jadi mix.

3. Hannah Pee aka Peepee-Pikachuuuu!
Origin: Subang
Insertion: Roll no 516
Nerve Supply: Gary nerve
Action (Favourite Quotes) : 1) dinner? 2) hey yooooouuuuuu!!!
Important points: Aku syg sgt kat hannah ni! She's like my sun. whenever im alone or sad, usually without her knowing, her simple texts would cheer me up. Hannah is so special, cz eventhough she's like 1 of the guys, she would still glow with her feminine beauty. Hannah is independent, caring, fun & great to have around. Everyone wants abit of Hannah. There's 1 funny thing abt hannah that I cant get it out of my mind.. The Batman joke. Haha. "aint so tough are ya now ey batman!"

4) Naziera aka Ayong
Origin: Bentong
Insertion; Roll No 572
Nerve Supply: Median nerve & Ulnar nerve (hybrid innervation)
Action (favourite quotes): 1)~ 2)
Important points:
She's my wind, my sweetheart, my sayang. Can safely say she's one of a kind. & I sayang her more than she thinks. She's the only JPA scholar that I accept & approve (not to mention syg, LOL). She's my study buddy like carol, but our study approach is kinda different. She's alot smarter than me (evnthough im older, she's a JPA scholar, so definitely she's smarter), so she teaches me alot. She's my personal prosector. There's alot more to say about her, "but we will study about that in the next blog"

5) Ozri Jon Fritzerol aka Jon
Origin: Subang
Insertion: Roll No 507
Nerve Supply: Guitar nerve
Action (favourite quotes) : 1) Whats up bitch?? 2) Ahahahahaha (jon style)
Important points: Jon is the first ever friend I met here. Im lucky enough to have seated next to him on the plane. On the plane itself I found out that he's a nice guy. Die bagi fererro rocher die to me, (LOL, damn im a sucker for gifts). Jon is loyal to his friends, fun & great to have around, so he's very much likable & quite adorable too (geli aku taip ni, tp mmg btul pon). He gets into trouble but he's really doesnt deserve it, he's a really NICE GUY. I envy Jon cz he knows what to say at the right time, & that makes him damn witty & hillarious. To top evrything, Jon's winning virtue is that he is very generous and very modest.

6) Premjeet S Dhillon aka Naked man
Origin: Singapore
Insertion: Roll No 514
Nerve Supply: Anterior Interosseous Nerve (AI nerve)
Action (favourite quote): 1) fuck man i think i screwed up 2) hey dude, guess what
Important points: Prem is damn COOL. Die masuk NS Singapore dulu, so badan die mantap ar. & can say he's an all rounder; he's good in atheletics and in studies. Tapi kejayaan tidak dtg bergolek, he's very hardworking & he knows his priorities. Tp prem ni tenggelam timbul, but he's always part of the gang. He can just mix around anywhere, 'I can practically live anywhere cz I can just mix and make friends with anyone', quoted. Aku pnah nmpk die time orientation kat melaka dulu, aku ingt die ni sombong kot, sah2 takkan kwn ngn aku. tgk2 die la 1 of the 1st frens yg aku dpt kat sni.

Finally Im Back

Wow. Alot has happened since my last entry. From the hectic preparation of coming here, the moving farewell from Adam and Thevin, leaving my family, starting over a life that I thought ended, and making new friends. Gosh, where to start. Hm.. Just know that everything's okay and that I think I would be okay too. Just that there are a few things I cant get out of my head.. Like..

1) Damn. Some people really have it easy. Getting RM1500 per month! And over here, thats WAAAYYYY more than enough. They can get whatever they want, and they dont even have to pay it back! Like the old saying, 'life's unfair'. But when you think back, I never had my chance. So I better just shut up and watch. I'll change the jealousy and guilt into motivation and drive. Just watch me.

2) MSU haunts me still. OMG. Eventhough Im over here. Wow. MSU truly transcends ocean and land. Memang the university of choice. Aku baru ingat aku da terlepas dari tempat tu, then lecturer microb tu msg aku kat FB marah2 aku, aduh.. Selamat ade Quod Erat Demonstratum ~ Mr J. Die yang tolong settle kan problem. LOL. Wait. Do you think thats the end of it? Hell NO. The worst thing is yet to come.

3) Merge 1 and 2. And what do you get? You get DAMN RICH STUDENTS who came FROM the SAME MSU. HAHAHA! How SCREWED UP is that? Just their presence here is taunting me. The best thing is, they now how fantastic MSU is! Out of all the places they could go to do their A levels, JPA sent them there, and now theyre here. Whatever it is, I have one of my worst nightmare come to life. Damn, that was why I didnt go to Ramayah, and in the end the same thing happens to me here.

Fate is a funny thing.

My 5

Gadis idaman aku has to be;

1. cantik
2. setia
3. fun
4. beriman
5. free hair + contact lens

Subject to change*

"sir dah lengai dengan musibah"

Alhamdulillah.. Tanpa aku sedari, aku dah semakin tabah menghadapi dugaan2 kecil yg melanda. Maybe aku diberi byk dugaan2 sblm ni sbb nk buatkan aku lebih tabah n matang menghadapi masalah. Sengatan obor2, denda MSU rm760, hilang jam tangan, tak dapat tajaan mara yet, ex aku couple laen, stress byk kerja kat msu, etc. And evn with all these things going on, aku slalu menghadapi dugaan2 kecil mcm hari ni.

1. Aku bgn lmbt hari ni, 8.20am aku bgn. Labtest kul 9am. Tak sempat nk shave. Haha.
2. Aku tgh siap2 pakai baju, cari tie, takde. Baru teringat aku tertinggal kat giant. Huhu.
3. Aku keluar dari rumah, pegang2 poket, wallet tertinggal dlm jeans. Haha.
4. Dlm lif, msg masuk. Dept Dean bg warning kat aku suruh siapkan semua keje. Haha.

Benda kecil2 je. Dulu, adela jgk affect diri aku ni. Tp lepas dah kena mcm2 musibah, aku rase makin tabah. Rasenyelah. So bile text masuk, "Sir tgh watpe?" Aku gtaw la ape jadi. Tp at the end of the my reply, "tp takpe, sir da lengai dgn musibah"

Yay me!

I Am King

I started to work at MSU on 7th of december 2009 and was assigned to teach immunology and serology. However, I never intented to stay here for long, it was just to fill the time cause I havent received my transcript yet. Eventhough its not my first time teaching, but university students and school students differ slightly. but I tried my best, and taught them the best I could without losing myself.

I did not change. I was still the same old adam. I cared, I joked, I asked, I was being me. Some of them didnt really accept me, but most of them did. Guess I have to be thankful, which I am. Anyway, its only normal for a teachers to have favourites in their class. Its not really fair, but humans are imperfect and bias is one of the flaws. So I too, have my favorite stdnt. Well, at least its not one of the seven sins. LOL.

Some lecturers favor students who are smart, some favor those who are good looking, some favor those who are hardworking. I however, favor this particular student cz we have chemistry. I cant reallt explain it, but I know its there. She's fun, funny n silly most of the time. My gadis kelantan yg bengong. =)

So I gave her a little bit more attention then the rest of the class. Hm.. Actually quite alot of attention. But never in class, dont worry. Only after office hours. She lives on the same floor as i do, so we would go for dinner sometimes. Nothing fancy. But it was fun. We would chat, flirt and kid around.

Our relationship was purely for fun. No attachments. We both know where we stand.

BUT. Me being me. I fall for people easy. Sigh.. doesnt mean that I want them and I would do whatever it takes to have them. I just.. sayang them more than i should. When her birthday came, I gave her a box of chocolates. I could have gotten her a notebook or a pen, but I got her that. That was when I knew, the symptoms are kicking in. But I know long distance relationships dont work out, and i dont want to ruin what we have now, so I kept our pace. Kalau ade jodoh tak ke mane.

Just when I thought I had things under control, she texted, "sir ade kat rumah? nak bagi mende". I was out having dinner with some frens at that time so I told her I'll text "sir kat luar ni, nanti sir da blk sir gtaw". After I reached home, I traded my baggy green T with a black T n walked over to her apartment (which was 30 steps from my own).

"Asalamualaikum".

"Waalaikumussalam. Kejap2!"

She opened the door and handed out to me a jusco bag. "Nah, ambil ni"
(she mmg like that, quite straight foward. LOL)

"Eh ape ni?" I opened the bag and took out the the gift. "Wah terima kasih" it was wrapped and tied with a gigantic ribbon. "Ape ni?"

"Adela, something special". Laughing her cute laugh.

"Eyh?" I felt liquid inside the gift. "Perfume eyh.." (I din say toilette cz I dnt wnt tht to be an issue)

"Entah, nanti buka la sendiri"

"Haha, ok." we talked for a while and then I had to go.

I reached home and the first thing i did was snap some photos. Buat kenangan. And then I opened the gift. At 1st I was careful not to tear the wrapper. Too naive. Last2 terkoyak jugak. LOL. And I was right!

I AM KING. Sean John

I called her. "Eyh mmg betul la perfume! thanx!"

"Tak taw la sir suke bau camne, tp saya suke bau camtu, macho"

And she was right, I am King has that manly smell. Gosh. My 1st proper toilette. My 1st and previous toilette was Fantasia. In pales in comparison. And it gives me headaches. LOL. I didnt expect her to get me anything. I really didnt. And its something quite personal. Me being me..

Im screwed.