My Life

Sometimes aku akan terfikir, is this the right thing for me? I mean, aku da ade degree, da ade kerja & da ade nmpk cahaya2 master at the end of the tunnel.. Tp aku tinggalkan sume tu.. for medicine. Mmgla medicine tu cita2 aku, but, is it really worth it? Since my secret's out, I might as well share it here. My life is full of choices & hardships..

Time ambil biomed kat msu dulu dorg janji 3thn biomed, then smbng 3 thn medicine bley jd doctor. Tp nasib aku malang. Dorg tukar policy, approve je medical science, biomed di anak tiri kan. Yg 3+3 hnylah medical science, biomed 3 + 4 1/2. Dah la tu, ims tu mahal gila, & aku tny mara, dorg tak bleh sponsor. & aku tak sanggup tgk bdk2 mara yg dpt duit byk gile bile aku nk byr tuition fees pon ssh. Aku ingt, takpelah, boleh je hidup sng dgn degree biomed, its not extravagant, but i think i can be content. Aku habes practical & degree biomed june 09. & sementara tunggu convo, aku lepak kat rumah jela.

One day aku dpt taw mak aku nk hantar adik aku ke manipal. Truth be told, kat dlm sudut hati aku dulu, aku mmg nak manipal, tp tak terdaya. Tp adik aku tu mcm nak tak nak je. Form ntah ke mane, mmg tak prepare pape. That time.. I saw my dreams dangled in front of me.. & aku decide nk try lagi. So bile mak aku offer, aku ckp kat mak aku nak pegi. Interview kacang je, so aku dpt masuk. But the main problem here is.. money.

"Mak, kite ade duit ke? Mahal sgt ni."

Mak aku kata "Mara kan ade, mane ade fmly melayu yg mampu hantar anak luar negara gne duet sendiri", with so much of confidence that i trusted her..

Aku interview august 09, september 09 tu intake batch 25. Sbb msu dengki kat stdnt sendiri tamau release transcript, aku terpaksa masuk intake march 2010 cz dorg kate tak sempat september intake. So I have 7 months on my hands. I didnt know at this time, that I can only get my transcript the june 2010. Then takkan aku nk duk rumah je 1/2 year, so aku apply keje a few places, medical lab, tutor etc. Susah sket org nk trime kerja cz transcript takde ni. Terbaiklah msu.

November 09 aku dpt jadi guru ganti kat rps. Its a temporary job, but it was a great experience. Aku dpt rase camne keje kerajaan, camne kerja mak ayah aku, interaksi dgn org dewasa, jadi employee kpd employer yg dasyat, knal student2 & mrase pg skolah dgn perempuan. Haha, aku skola laki, so jakun gak la bile masuk clas sume perempuan. But all in all, it was short & sweet. Tergerak jgk hati nk jadi gstt. Tp, nasib aku ttp malang, cz gstt da takde dah, cikgu2 sume hny dari upsi skrg since maktab da takde. Time cuti skolah, aku dpt call dari msu.

Aku ade apply tutor kat msu bln 9 or 10 camtu. Bln 11 msu ambil aku kerja. Die taw la aku stdnt die jgk kn, so transcript takde pown takpe. Cgpa 3.6, tak ambik rugi la. Aku kalau boleh tamau pandang dah msu, tp lg kite taknak, yg tula kite dapat. Sabar jelah. Eventhough byk keburukan yg aku malas nak type byk2 kat sni, tp at least otak aku tak karat sgt sbb aku kne study baru bleh ngajar. Aku masuk kerja 7/12/09. Aku dpt subject immuno & microb utk bdk2 diploma & lab session clinical patho utk bdk2 degree.

Time aku kerja kat msu, mmmc da mintak duet. RM33,ooo. & mak ayah aku pown buat loan kat bank islam. Dorg tak bincang pown dgn aku lagi skali. Dorg anggap cz aku da pg interview, so aku mmg sah2 nak buat medicine. Aku hny blk time ayah nak masukkan cek dlm pos,

& time tu ayah aku ckap, "There goes 33 thousand"

Aku rase bersalah gila, tp sbb aku ingatkan ade mara, so aku bersabar..

Aku pown kerja la kat msu tu. Aku tak jadi sir yg strict, aku fhm ape rasenye jd stdnt kat msu, the broken promises, the lies, the deceit. So aku boleh relate. & aku cube sedaya upaya utk tolong budak2 ni. Beza umur dgn aku pown ade yg 3 thn je, bdk2 diploma. Yg beza setahun pown ade, budak degree. Aku rapat dgn students cam fafa, nana, fifa & ramai lagi. Mule2 kerja tu bosan la jgk, tp lame2, cam best. Da kenal students, ade member2 tutor & lecturer laen, da taw cara2 nk ngajar, da taw system tmpt kerja etc. Aku rase dewasa. Rasa besar. I thought I would only be contented, but I was happy. Ingat lepas convo, pg la apply masters kat ukm, usm etc. Its not as glamorous as medicine, but maybe its fate.

Then it's finally time to make a decision. Intake mmmc march, aku masih kerja lg dgn msu February tu. Aku taw yg kalau aku back out, out of 33k yg parents aku da byr tu, 30k je akan dpt blk, 3k burn. Aku mmg tak sanggup nk bazirkan 3k, so my decision was somewhat swayed on one side. It was a very difficult decision. It was soo hard that I gave my resignation letter late & had to pay back msu rm760. Aku pnah buat post pasal ni dulu, so I wont repeat. Still, mase ni aku masih anggap boleh dpat mara. On march 9th aku resign. Aku tinggalkan hidup aku sbg tutor kat msu. This too, was short & sweet.