bungakekwa3

Tadi ade org ketuk pintu bilik aku. Aku buka je tgk2 tempe yg jage counter AS kat bwh tu. Die bg aku slip mintak byr utilities. 8355rupees. Rm835 la sng citer. Sigh.. Aku takde duit nak bayar, & aku malu nak mintak duit kat parents aku. Dorg baru je bg rm800 utk tiket flight & hp baru aku. Aku sedeh sgt. Not just sbb ni, ade byk lgi sbb..

1. Aku takde duit nak makan pown sbnrnye. Evrytime pown pinjam duit naziera. & brape byk lansung aku nak pinjam? Aku pown ade harga diri jgk, malu la nak pinjam slalu. Aku ade minta mak aku masukkan duit sikit, tp lepas raya baru mak aku masukkan, tu pown rm1000 utk 6 bln. Aku rase tak cukup, tapi tak sampai hati nak minta byk2.

2. Eventhough results aku ok, tp tak cukup baik lagi. Aku nak jadi the best. Tp ade bdk2 kat sni lagi pandai dari aku, serajin mana aku pown aku tak dpt nk beat dorg. Dorg mcm shin sejuiro. Cmne aku yg sakuraba hayato ni compete? & sebaik2 mana pown results aku, mara takkan kesah kan aku. So aku belajar gila2 ni utk diri sendiri & bkn utk mara mcm dulu.

3. Budak2 jpa & mara ni kaya gila. Dpt 500USD/mnth = Rm1500/mnth. Per month! Aku dpt rm1ooo utk 6 mnths! Bdk2 private kat sni pown tak kurang hebatnye. Sume kaya2 blaka, baru la mampu dtg sini kan? Sume pegang iphone, pg vacation overseas. Fhm2 jelah.

4. Aku tinggalkan hidup aku yg selesa utk bersusah payah kat sini. Aku tinggalkan negara, family, friends, kerja yg stabil, harapan utk masters, kad magic & so much more. Demi ape? Demi cita2.. & I have to trade all that with, study gila2 hari2, raya aidilfitri kat india, makanan india yg tak sedap, jumpe mayat hari2, bilik yg penuh kulat etc.

5. Yg ni yg buatkan aku paling sedih. DOUBT. Aku mula sangsi pd diri sendiri.. Did i make the right decision coming here? Did i make a mistake resigning from msu? I seriously dont know. I didnt expect things to be so expensive, so difficult & so hard.. I miss my working life. I's like a dream now. Sometimes I feel that my 3 years in msu & my working life was all a waste. Then I stumbled upon something..

"my life just like bubbles" student aku pny blog.

1 post die tu "bungakekwa3" ade mention sikit psal aku n colleague aku time keje dulu.

aku rindu giler ngn sir adam n mr J.
dyorg lect the best ever i had.

sir adam sgt2 byk tolong dlm study. byk bg semangat.
semangat dlm belajar. cinta. complete set lah. haha
snggup bg notes dy kat aku. terharu.
mr J sbb mase purse aku hilang time tu de lab test dy.
sumpah aku xley jawab. byg la aku ngah risau. kepala blank pk duit. ic. lesen. kad bank.
sume la. then, dy snggup nk pinjamkan fon tok kol mymum. mmg xla aku nk gtau. hehehe.
i refused. sume classmates terberhenti dgn pe yg jd kat aku. muke pucat kot.
sir adam n mr j kate muke aku cm avatar time tu. biru. hahaha
but he told sir adam pasal tuh. utk tlg aku g balai polis.

akhir sem. aku text both lect ajak makan big apple. haha.
sumpah sir adam giler2. mr j lak malu2. miss that time!!!!
but now sir adam kt india smbung study. mr j pon same. tp kt australia.
neweei, thnnxxx sir sbb ajar fafa subjek immune n hema.

Aku tak pandai sgt blogging so tatau cane nak edit bg lawa, so aku copy paste je terus. Apepun, these few words makes me happy. At least I brought a change in someone's life. Not much, but still, it's there. This reminds me that my previous life was not a waste. So what if my life sucks now. I had a great life before. I was somebody. Ive helped others. I am remembered.

Thanks fafa. U cheered me up.